• The Upside Down Fork

    I slowly stumbled downstairs this morning as if I was walking through thick fog. It was another late night watching “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion” (Part 95 or whatever it was) on the DVR. My brother from another mother, Andy Cohen, revealed that Kim is now sober. Um, yeah, okay and Ryan Seacrest is straight. I am thinking of starting my own spinoff of this series. Episode 1 would chronicle my daily routines. The camera would zoom in on my disheveled hair; a few greys standing on end. It would then pan down to the Ohio State sweatshirt I stole from a boyfriend in college, the nickel sized…

  • Remodel

    My kitchen looks like a decorator from the 1980’s threw up. This site has great, inexpensive ideas to update your house.

  • Children of the Corn

      It doesn’t matter where you live there is always that mother who strives to make the rest of us look like assholes. There is a mom at my son’s pre-school who seems to skip into the building with bluebirds on her shoulder. She sews her daughters clothing and jars vegetables for the winter. I had no doubt she would make Valentine’s Day cards. While the rest of us scoured Walmart for Spiderman Valentines that say things like “I Want to Hang Around You” she cut down a tree and made her own paper. I barely had enough patience to sit as my son signed his own name to each…

  • Tickets please?

    I just received an email from Ticketmaster with information on upcoming shows it believes I would enjoy. Among the recommendations are a Hanson concert, Golden Gloves Boxing and The Mr. & Mrs. Bodybuilding Contest. So, my purchase of Elmo Live leads them to believe I like to MmmBop or watch a husband and wife beauty pageant? I’m struggling to lose 10 (or 20 pounds) from my last pregnancy and my husband eats nachos in bed. Besides when in the hell would I have time to go to anything alone. I can’t even take a #2 without a child being in the room with me. If I do go anywhere without…

  • Crack IS Wack!

      I was like most girls in the late 80’s, early 90’s. I would dance in the mirror wearing a scrunchie in my hair and leg warmers. Whitney Houston’s songs would be blasting on the boom box. For those of you in your 20’s, a boom box was a portable radio with a cassette tape player that you could carry on your shoulder. If you were rich you had one with two tape players. Now, this was before Whitney married Bobby Brown. Cissy should have called Mr. Telephone Man to keep this bad boy away from her daughter. It is reported that Bobby Brown broke down sobbing on stage last…