I’m gonna pop some tags

Have you ever had that moment when you wake up and are completely disoriented? I woke up from a sound sleep around 4:30 this morning and didn’t know where I was or the day of the week. I jumped out of bed in a panic, believing I was late for work. I think I pulled a muscle in my thigh. Adding to my confusion, Joan Lunden was on the television. She hasn’t been on TV since kids wore sea shell necklaces and carried Jans Sport backpacks.

She was hawking something on an infomercial. When I realized it was Saturday I went back to sleep. I didn’t have to clock in today. In fact, I had plans to meet a friend for lunch without any kids. I was going to eat hot food even if I had to crawl to the restaurant.

We went to a New Mexican joint. Our waiter was Rico Suave. His hair was slicked back with an excessive amount of L.A. Looks gel. Rico, who was in his 40’s, was wearing an Abercrombie & Fitch muscle shirt. His sideburns were squared off at his jaw line and he had a pencil thin mustache. Rico is a boob guy. I know this because Rico couldn’t stop looking at my breasts. It’s all an illusion Rico. You can thank Victoria’s Secret.

I ate my feelings. Rejection has nothing on a heaping pile of chips and salsa. (It’s a long story) We talked, bitched, laughed and drank tequila.

I went an entire hour without getting a text message or phone call from my kids. It took a lot of prep work to get a moment of relaxation. I can’t remember the last time I was spontaneous. I lied. I cleaned out a drawer last night on a whim. I love the phrase “I can’t remember the last time…” Recently, I heard someone say “I can’t remember the last time I had a Tic Tac.” It would be more concerning if you did remember. If you did remember you need a hobby. The time you ate an orange mint in the shape of a pill shouldn’t be etched in your brain.

I think Rico Suave doubled the alcohol when making our margaritas. Feeling a little tipsy, we decided to walk it off by shopping at a nearby plaza. We had a few options. We could’ve browsed at a mattress store, gone into a shady energy drink store or hit up Goodwill. If Macklemore taught us anything it is that good times are had at a thrift shop.

We didn’t make it past the record collection.

Jack, you are busted:

Sarah Mclachlan just met her match:

A record for the stupid person in your life:

We laughed and laughed. Maybe you had to be there. I am glad I was.
Sometimes, all you need is a day with a good friend to remember that where you are… is exactly where you are supposed to be.