It’s a hard knock life

Cameron Diaz owes me an apology and $48.50. She butchered the role of Miss Hannigan in Annie. Was the director out sick when she recorded her part? I haven’t seen that much overacting since Hillary Clinton walked hand and hand with Bill after the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke.

I swore I wasn’t going to see the new version of the classic movie. You cannot remake greatness. However, my 5-year-old daughter is young and her glass is still half-full. She doesn’t care about critics or box office numbers. She had to see this movie.

I wanted to like it. It would have worked if they stuck to the original script. They did not. They added new characters and songs worse than the tracks on a Kidz Bop album. Daddy Warbucks is a man named Will Stacks. He owns a cell phone company. Everything in his penthouse apartment is high-tech. At one point Annie says “Slow your roll.” Slow. Your. Roll. Annie, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay Annie? They also search for Annie using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and blogs.

It gets worse. A woman from the Social Security Office sings and dances. Have you ever been to the Social Security Office? It makes the clientele at Walmart look like high rollers. You would be lucky to get a clerk to crack a smile. She isn’t tap dancing.

Plus, Annie isn’t even an orphan. She is a foster kid. In fact, she corrects Will Stacks on several occasions. “Little Foster Kid Annie?” It just isn’t the same. Instead of being overcome with nostalgia I was nauseous and it wasn’t because I ate too much popcorn. However, judging by the loud and obnoxious chomping, the person sitting behind me may have.

I did see something this weekend that I really enjoyed. Sebastian Maniscalco’s comedy special “What’s Wrong With People” was on TV. The title alone made me happy. Here are a few clips. Enjoy!

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