Experts are now warning men that wearing Skinny Jeans may be bad for their health.  True story.  The highly popular fashion trend can cause “Twisted Testicles.”  An article in the NY Daily News read: “when tight trousers prevent the spermatic cord from moving freely, meaning it twists and leads to testicular torsion which cuts off the blood supply requiring immediate surgery to prevent a gangrenous testicle.” OUCH!  Sounds painful doesn’t it?  Still, I couldn’t be happier.  Guys look ridiculous in Skinny Jeans and we know there is one sure way to stop them from wearing them:  a threat to the family jewels.  The only men that look good in skinny…

While putting out the trash this evening I discovered treasure.  It was deep inside a can stored in the garage.   It’s one of those huge trash cans meant for smaller trash bags.  My children like to throw empty juice boxes in this container. It invites maggots once or twice a month. Is there anything more disgusting? Well, besides the crust in Pauly D’s hair. (Paul Mitchell is rolling over in his grave.) Anyway,  I nearly had to climb inside to get this : Um, 1985 called and it wants this back. Where did it come from? The last time someone made me a mixed tape “Ace of Base” was on…

For once all three of my kids slept in. I, however, still had to get up early because of this “baby.” What was I thinking?

I’ve worked enough jobs in my life to learn a thing or two about customer service. (1.) As a waitress you shouldn’t tell a customer to go to hell (2.) You don’t quit right after someone has loaded their entire grocery cart on the conveyer belt at your register. Guilty. Guilty. I have never been a dog groomer, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to show up on time for an appointment. I definitely know you don’t use the excuse, “I’m sorry I was home killing flies and lost track of time.” Yep. That’s the line I got today. I brought my little puppy, Max, for a haircut. The groomer…

I might as well download The Golden Oldies to my IPod. The teenage boys at the local ice cream parlor call me Ma’am. One minute I was turning heads with my layered socks and scrunchies and the next I am called Ma’am! Well, it gets worse. I have a hip injury. Yeah, the part of your body injured by professional athletes or senior citizens. I can’t make a basket, throw a football and have never left a panicked message to a mistress. Therefore, I must be old. I have a strained hip flexor. How did this happen? I ran too fast. Yep. Ran. Too. Fast. Kids run fast. They don’t…

We discovered a bird’s nest yesterday while trimming an overgrown shrub near the house. Nestled inside were three baby birds. My 2-year-old daughter wanted to take them to her room. “Those are MY birds.” Everything is hers nowadays. My older son passed gas and she declared, “I farted.” I’m hoping she will learn that, as a lady, you never admit to that. You definitely don’t claim someone else’s. She finally accepted the fact that the birds were not her own. However, she could not believe the mother bird wasn’t watching the babies. (Clearly, she hasn’t seen Home Alone. This sort of thing happens all the time) I explained that she…

If you are over 30 you will know what I’m talking about. If you are over 35 you will shout out “Amen” or “Hallelujah.” If you are in your 20’s what I’m about to say may scare the hell out of you. I have to pluck chin hairs. It’s not everyday. I don’t need a Bic, but they are course, black hairs. Otherwise, I would end up looking like the lady who works at your local fabric store. Just last week my 5-year-old son asked me if women can grow beards. I answered, “If they don’t have a good pair of tweezers!” Well, not 24 hours later those words would…