There was a time when I baked in the sun for hours. I used to think it was hot to look golden bronze. A sun burn was celebrated because it would ‘fade into a good tan.’ Now as I contemplate Botox I realize what a mistake that was. I lather sun block on my children no matter how long we will be outside. They whine and ask, “Whhhhhyyy?” The whole skin cancer thing doesn’t scare a child. But this will. I’m going to print this photo and tape it to the bottle.  

I took my boys to the theater today to see Avengers. I thought about streaming it online, but Mommy can’t break the law. Blah, Blah Blah. I’ve never really been a fan of Superheroes. It’s completely unrealistic for a man to have superhuman hearing, breath or vision. My husband doesn’t hear me when I ask him to take out the garbage. His breath smells like expired feta cheese in the morning. He clearly can’t see the basket of laundry that needs to be folded. The theater wasn’t packed, but there was a good crowd. A mixture of parents, children and 30-something men who play Magic: The Gathering. Of course, I…

Holy cow. You can brush your kids teeth and repair DVD’s? Those folks at Crest are genius! Click here for instructions

I just shouted “You pooped on the potty?!” in the middle of my office. Fellow parents grinned and my younger co-workers were thoroughly disgusted. I was speaking to my husband. I’m kidding. He has been trained for a few years now. My daughter is potty training. As a young, single gal in my twenties I never imagined how much joy I would get out of seeing poop in a toilet. My 2-year-old has been going on the potty for three days now. This was the second time she has taken a #2. She is a little irregular. That’s a whole other story. Anyway, it’s a huge milestone met with mixed…

Having a miscarriage sucks. It’s kind of like telling everyone you won the lottery and going bankrupt. I was pregnant with my fourth child earlier this year. I know, who the hell in their right mind would have four kids? This girl. Perhaps, I need to learn how to keep my legs closed. When you tell people this would be the fourth they look at you like you are the Octomom. I just felt that I was destined to bring another child into this world. There was somebody else I was supposed to love. (besides Ryan Gosling, I’m ready whenever you are big guy. wink, wink) I broke the “don’t…

I saw this on Pinterest. It’s cute… if you planned out each meal for the week. I am a ‘fly by the seat of my pants’ kind of gal. I am also a ‘would rather order out’ kind of gal. I cook because my children are demanding and want to eat. I wish I could find simple recipes that tasted good. If you have one feel free to share. Also, would you mind coming over to clean-up? I hate that part even more.

My son informed me today that he wants to drive a taxi when he grows up. He made this major life decision while driving his sister around the yard in Power Wheels. He even asked me about taxi driving schools. I’ve been to NYC and I’m pretty sure those guys didn’t get a diploma. Now, I’m not saying you can’t make an honest living chauffeuring people around. Diddy can’t be expected to drive himself. My son has mastered one of the job requirements. He drives like a maniac. In 10 minutes he nearly hit a tree, the house and ran over the dog. I’m not convinced that last one was…

Is this a cry for attention or is this kid trying to piss me off? Recently, my 5-year-old has started writing on the walls. He never did this as a toddler. Now, I’m certain he knows it’s unacceptable. However, I continue to find graffiti in the family room, bedroom and along the stairway. Unlike the artwork under a city bridge he isn’t professing his love to his baby mama. He doesn’t tell anyone to F- Off. He usually attempts to write his name. (Granted, it looks like he is writing a ransom note, but he is trying.) I advised him that I have plenty of paper. He flashed a smile…

24 hours later and she still loves the doll house. I think the lady on the second floor needs CPR.