• Come on Lucky Numbers

    They say “Money Can’t Buy Happiness.” Well, it can buy Botox and vacations. Besides, the jack ass that came up with that catchy inspirational phrase was probably a millionaire. If you’ve ever had an argument with your spouse over money you know having it makes a difference. I would say 99% of our disagreements are over money. So, I got my Mega Millions ticket. The jackpot is somewhere around $500 million. I wouldn’t buy a house with 10 bathrooms because I would still feel like I had to clean them all. I wouldn’t buy 7 cars, but would get a tricked out minivan. If I had that much money I…

  • Mean Kids Suck

    This brought me to tears. I hope he succeeds and the bullies that took away his self-esteem lose all their teeth. (That happens in the UK right?) Britain’s Got Talent has blocked users from posting the video on personal websites. I’m sure there is a way around this, but I can’t figure the damn thing out. So click here: Opera duo Charlotte & Jonathan  

  • Clueless

    Alicia Silverstone wasn’t just playing a role in Clueless. It’s evident by the ridiculous video she posted online feeding her son like a bird. Look, I don’t criticize folks who raise their children as vegans. I don’t care if you only buy organic products. (My children enjoy a good Slim Jim and think dessert is the 4th meal) However, this is simply disgusting. Isn’t she sucking all the flavor out of the food? Not to mention the germs she is passing by basically French Kissing little Bear. Well, I guess the kid was destined for a life of this bullshit when she named him after an animal. I can’t wait…

  • Reuse, Keep Fresh

    A friend passed this little tip along to me after I was bitching that someone spilled chocolate chips all over the pantry. She found it on Pinterest. I suppose it’s a good idea. However, instead of wasting my time sawing the top off a water bottle I could just buy those bag clips. Or I could just keep complaining when someone makes a mess.

  • My Little Angels

    I received three compliments yesterday about how well behaved my children are. I was in a store activating a new cell phone. The kids stood quietly by my side while the clerk took her sweet ass time. Granted the little ones each had Ring Pops in their mouth and it is basically a pacifier covered in candy. Still, they weren’t touching things or fighting. My children aren’t always angels. My 4-year-old threw a temper tantrum a few weeks ago because I had to cut his finger nails. He was starting to look like he worked at a comic book store. He was furious I interrupted a fight between Batman and…

  • Public Service Announcement

    Everyday when I bring my son to pre-school I encounter the mother that looks like Girls Gone Wild meets The Swan. She doesn’t wear a bra and her hair looks like there is a family of birds living near her scalp. I’m not saying I look like a supermodel this early in the morning. (Although many of these mothers make me feel like one) I just think clothing and proper undergarments should be required. Sorry Kenny. No shoes, no shirt and you will have a problem. I don’t want to see your ta-ta’s flopping around like a fish out of water. (Our fish is still alive by the way. It’s…

  • Caramel Mochiatto

    Since I don’t alwayss feel like dragging three kids into Starbucks (negates the joy I get from drinking coffee) I have tried making my own at home. Yum! Recipe: ~1 tbsp of vanilla flavoring syrup 8-10 oz of milk 2 shots of espresso caramel sauce  

  • This is going to end in disaster

    My son finally won a prize yesterday at the Penny Carnival. It only took $40 to win something that is certain to break his heart. Why don’t you just tell him Santa Claus isn’t real? When has a fish won at a carnival ever been a good pet? You don’t ever hear “That fish lived a good, long life.” This sucker has a few days at best. My son already noticed the fish was lethargic. “The fish was tricking me and pretending it was sleeping. Then he woke up.” Tomorrow he will be “sleeping” on the surface of feces filled water. We will have to set the “sleeping” fish free…