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Bib Necklace
If I can ever stand up straight again I am wearing this necklace. However, I will not be sporting a bikini in public. For that , you’re welcome! www.etsy.com
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Moves Like Jagger
A dance party at 10 p.m. in our family room with my daughter. This little chick won’t sleep! Let’s hope she doesn’t end up with her own reality show on MTV. Clearly, you can see she got my husband’s rhythm. I don’t know what the hell this move is. She can forget about auditioning for “Kids Incorporated.”
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You can call me Al!
I want to punch Al Gore in the face. Yeah, I said it. It’s not because of his political beliefs. Let’s face it the vice-president does as much for the country as the cashier at Wendy’s. My beef (get it) with Al is his tirade on Global Warming. He is making my life very difficult. Look, I am all about saving the earth for our children. I applaud efforts to recycle cans & newspapers, use less plastic and buy rechargeable batteries. However, I am pissed that you messed with my washing machine. This “Energy Efficient” machine uses about a teaspoon of water to wash an entire load of laundry. On…
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Stylish Grocery Bags
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Talking Dog
My dog would say, “I’m going to piss on your clean floor.” Watch this video on YouTube
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You’ve Got to be F-ing Kidding me. (Said in thick Jersey Accent)
Let’s face it not everyone is meant to be a parent. You have to sacrifice a lot to be a mother. The only reason you are up past midnight is for feedings or when your child is sick. Wild parties are replaced with birthday parties where the host is a mouse and pizza is cooked on a conveyer belt. There are women who lack the necessary motherly instincts. I’m guessing Snooki would fall into that category. Yes, there are reports that the Jersey Shore reality queen is going procreate. Listen, I don’t care that she has so much animal print in her wardrobe that she would blend in at the…
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Cabinet Organizer
I must get this! My pots and pans are in such disarray. It’s my excuse for not cooking. 😉 www.pinterest.com
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It’s War!
There is a battle going on in my house. There was no official declaration of war. Let me take you back. I cooked last week. (I know it’s shocking!) After dinner the family rested their weary heads on the plush pillows on our couch. It was a lot of work lifting the forks to their mouths. I, on the other hand, was clearing the table, washing dishes and sweeping the floor. (I know it’s shocking!) I was about to throw out leftover peas when my husband shouted as if preventing a murder “Stop!” I was confused. “Stop what?” He insisted he will eat the peas tomorrow. Look, this isn’t my…
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Happy Birthday Dr. Suess!
My son’s class is celebrating the birthday of Dr. Suess all week at preschool. I know these would not turn out if I tried to make them. So, I am going to order a dozen from a fantastic local bakery. Take that Miss Crafty Pants! www.pinterest.com
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Dr. Love
Actual “love note” from my husband. Is this the happily ever after you anticipated as a little girl? This is life after 3 kids with a man who thinks he is a comedian. I don’t know if he needs a psychiatrist or a colonoscopy.