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Siri + preschooler = Friday night entertainment
There was a time when I spent Friday nights bar hopping with friends. How did the phrase “Bar Hopping” come to be? Did people hop to bars before the automobile was invented? Hopping is a lot of work. I would much rather skip or sidestep than hop. Hell, “Bar Galloping” would be easier, but I digress. My point is times have changed. My entertainment this evening came from a 4-year-old and Siri. This is the advertisement for Siri: Oh, really? That is not entirely true if a preschooler fires off questions. My daughter was telling Siri about the birthday party she attended today. Sure, my kid speaks in fragments followed…
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Southwest Comedian
I really hope we have this flight attendant on our next Southwest flight. To quote my southern friend, “She is a hoot.” I fly Southwest because I don’t want to sell my organs on the black market to pay baggage fees. I am dating myself here, but I remember when that was free and we got to eat peanuts on the plane. Those were the good ole’ days. Actually, I would sell my organs and soul for a direct flight. Why would you choose to make stops when traveling with children? That is like buying the 7 day yeast infection cream when there is a 1 day treatment plan.
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Teacher’s only
I finally did something I have wanted to do since I was a kid. I peed in the staff bathroom at my old elementary school. When I was in the second grade I saw two teachers walk out of the bathroom laughing. They are having fun in there. I imagined parties with candy, gold sinks and fancy soaps. Why else would they forbid kids to enter? I volunteer every Tuesday to read with the students in my son’s class. You haven’t lived until you’ve listened to the same story over and over and over again. I could recite the book, “Kit’s Mitt” with my eyes closed. It’s about a girl…
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Instant Karma?
Have you seen this video making its way around the world wide web? Jeffrey White, of Florida, was caught on camera tailgating a woman on a highway and giving her the finger. Seconds later, he spun off the road and crashed into a light pole. He was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident. There is no denying Jeff acted like a jerk, but do you notice something wrong in this video? Besides the fact that the woman videotaping (old habits die hard) recording the video had her phone in the wrong position (always record horizontal people!) did you notice she was driving in the wrong lane? Was…
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F**k you, Caillou
Ten things I would rather do than watch Caillou. 10. Get a Brazilian wax 9. Give a Brazilian wax 8. Wake up in 1970 with a debit card and no cash 7. Wake up next to Carrot Top 6. Be a Kardashian 5. Be Kid Rock’s Loofah 4. Try on swimsuits with model Giselle Bund- whatever the hell her name 3. Eat out of the nacho fountain at Old Country Buffet 2. Walk around Orlando, Florida in August wearing a long sleeve pantsuit made out of bacon 1. Call my bank using a rotary telephone
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When the owner is away…
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I’ll Be Seeing You
Apparently, there are reality singing competitions all over the world. (There goes the belief that the sun only rises and sets over the United States of America.) This 7-year-old performed on “Norway’s Got Talent.” Angelina Jordan got a standing ovation. It seems nowadays standing ovations are given up as frequently as a Kardashian’s vagina. You have to do something pretty impressive for me to stand up. I like sitting down. I don’t get to to do it very often. However, Jordan deserved the praise. Her performance of Billie Holiday’s “Gloomy Sunday” is beautiful. I cannot believe this big voice comes out of a little girl who is still young enough…
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How to Poop at Work
This is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. You know you can relate.
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Miss Susie had a….
Kids nowadays don’t know how to have fun. (She says while hiking up support hose and adjusting her false teeth) Throwing birds at blocks? Constructing houses with a guy named Steve? Playing video games with your friends who are in a different house? (The Jetson’s didn’t predict that one either did they?) That isn’t fun. We knew how to have a good time when I was child. We played a game with yarn and called it “Cat’s Cradle” even though it had nothing to do with kitties or a baby. We smacked hands while singing about buying bread at a Chinese restaurant. I actually tried to teach my children that…
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The Lily Ann Workout
This workout video has gone viral and it’s clear why.