• Minivan Mix

    I am a big fan of Bruno Mars.  So, when I heard a radio DJ introduce his new song I cranked the volume.  Pump up the volume, pump up the volume, dance, dance.   Mama knows how to rock out in the minivan.  Then, this happened : “Here is Bruno Mars’ latest song, Gorilla” Okay,  the song is about gorillas kids.  That is one of our favorite exhibits at the zoo. (turns up the volume even more) Ooh I got a body full of liquor With a cocaine kicker And I’m feeling like I’m thirty feet tall So lay it down, lay it down Mommy, what’s cocaine?  I think he…

  • 1,2,3,4…. I declare a Twitter war

    Since Bravo decided to play “The Fast & the Furious 99” tonight I had no choice, but to search for another form of entertainment. Thankfully, Kanye West is still crazy and his Twitter feed fulfilled my craving for drama. He is apparently in a fight with Jimmy Kimmel.  Kanye is mad that the late night talk show host spoofed an hour-long interview he gave to the BBC. Who in their right mind would let Kanye West talk for an hour?  Do the Brits have MTV?  Well, Kanye’s designer panties are in a bunch. So, how do reasonable human beings resolve conflict?  Kanye did the opposite and turned to social media,…

  • My bologna has a first name….

    I cook dinner (almost) every night. It’s not because I am a subservient wife.  I have three children who demand to eat three meals a day.  I know, who do they think they are? Some days we grab take-out and my husband is left to fend for himself when he gets home from work.  Then, there are days when I just don’t feel like cooking and they eat sandwiches.  Bottom line, my husband does not expect a hot meal on the table when he gets home at night.  He is grateful when I do cook. (As he should be) When I read a story about a woman in New York…

  • Under the weather

    I have been battling a head cold for three days. I don’t usually get sick. Then again, my 6-year-old son doesn’t usually sneeze on my face. He was mid-sentence, blew snot on my cheek and finished his thought, “and that’s why I think Batman would totally beat Superman in a fight.” Really? Really? You couldn’t pause to grab a tissue. That deep thought couldn’t wait 10 seconds? A few days later I had the virus that took all three kids out last week. The only difference is nobody is taking care of me. I don’t get a day off. My daughter won’t even ride her tricycle to the store to…

  • Make it work

    I am a model bitches! Well, I was for an hour. I didn’t get the full experience. I opted for french fries instead of cotton balls for lunch. My friend Kevin is a talented photographer. I needed a new head shot and he wanted pictures for his portfolio. Apparently, all that he is missing is the ‘middle-aged Mom with a kangaroo pouch’ shot. He sent me a text message a few days before our scheduled shoot. I nearly spit out my milkshake reading it. High fashion? Does the clearance rack at Target count? What about the white, oversized, v-neck t-shirt I wear around the house? Now, I was nervous. I…

  • Instructions Not Included

    There are movies that makes you laugh, cry and the rare screenplay that takes your breath away. Honestly, I don’t recall the last time I saw a movie like Instructions Not Included. I absolutely loved this movie. Critics hate it. For years I have based my decision to rent movies on the Rotten Tomatoes rating. Yes, it is ridiculous to make life decisions on a food that claims to be a fruit, but is used as a vegetable. I am glad I didn’t check the website before buying this ticket. I met my good friend, Nikki, at the theater tonight. How did I escape the homestead? I had to taxi…

  • Who wears short shorts?

    I am not a fan of the clothes young girls wear these days. I do not want my daughter dressing like a hoochie mama. Your vagina shouldn’t be longer than your shorts. I love this story out of Utah. A father, annoyed with his daughter’s attire, decided to show her how ridiculous she looked. He didn’t yell at her. Instead, he took scissors and cut up a pair of old jeans. Then, he and his family hit the town. Brilliant! I was recently reminded of the belly exposing shirts I wore freshman year in high school. Touché. Well, I am older and wiser. It’s not like I am walking around…

  • Mommy Dearest

    Mommy Dearest doesn’t have anything on this woman. (Wire hangers still make me nervous.) The children of a Nevada woman wrote a scathing obituary for their deceased mother. Basically, they are glad she is dead. The obit appeared in The Reno Gazette-Journal, which was published on September 10. Clearly, their editor was kidnapped that day. I guess my 3-year-old daughter doesn’t have “the worst mother ever” after all.     Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Aug. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small…

  • Call me, Maybe?

    So, that’s a maybe? The President of the United States gave a primetime speech to say “Maybe?” Odd. No, I am not getting all political on you. I hate politics. My husband ran for congress and it was a nightmare. I’m talking “1, 2 Freddy’s coming for you…” scary. It’s a dirty sport especially when you are not rich. Scoring $14.30 in soda cans doesn’t buy much. Well, a top local politician didn’t think he was worthy of running in the primary. Apparently, for some the whole We love the troops thing is just BS. “What have you done besides kill people?!” he screamed, spraying the room with his venomous…