I have been battling a head cold for three days. I don’t usually get sick. Then again, my 6-year-old son doesn’t usually sneeze on my face. He was mid-sentence, blew snot on my cheek and finished his thought, “and that’s why I think Batman would totally beat Superman in a fight.” Really? Really? You couldn’t pause to grab a tissue. That deep thought couldn’t wait 10 seconds?
A few days later I had the virus that took all three kids out last week. The only difference is nobody is taking care of me. I don’t get a day off. My daughter won’t even ride her tricycle to the store to buy Dayquil. She can be so incredibly selfish. You can’t play the ‘I am only 3′ card forever. My son offered to make me something to eat, but I didn’t want my house to burn to the ground. I can barely sleep in my own house, I wouldn’t catch a wink in a shelter. So, I have been doing everything and laying a guilt trip on my family. “I can barely hold my head up, but sure I will make you a grilled cheese sandwich.” I still had enough strength to laugh at this Louis CK bit. I swear (if he looked like Ryan Gosling) he is my soul mate.
I am guilty of road rage. Well, it’s actually watered down road rage. I am not a complete lunatic. I haven’t crashed my car into another vehicle or assaulted anyone. I bite my tongue most of the time when my children are in the car. However, when you are going through perimenopause some things are out of your control. Most recently, I yelled at a driver who didn’t turn right when the light was red. “It’s right on RED,” I shouted through my windshield. He didn’t hear me because we were separated by glass and metal. My kids were watching Tangled Ever After for the millionth time at an ear pounding volume. You aren’t tied down Rapunzel. Jump out of the damn tower already. “Come oooonnnn! Right on red. Right on red!” My low pitched screams sounded eerily similar to “Red rum! Red rum!” Listen, I was late to an appointment. I am always late. At this point I was perspiring and close to foaming at the mouth while Mandy Moore sang in the background. “Oh, what the hell! Go, you idiot!” My daughter asked, “What’s wrong Mommy?” I took a deep breath. Mommy was acting like a complete fool. Comic Louis CK has a great bit about road rage. It makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it.