• Graduation

    My son graduated yesterday. I cried. Actually, I was on the verge of sobbing. My lower lip was quivering, snot dripping from my nose and tears streaming down my face. Thank goodness another mother was cracking jokes or I would have made a complete fool of myself. Did I mention this was a kindergarten graduation ceremony? I couldn’t help it. It seems like just yesterday he was a chubby 10-month-old crawling on the floor. He is the middle child so I didn’t raise him in a bubble like my first born. With your first kid you boil everything. The second and third could eat dirt and you shrug it off.…

  • Hair Bow Obsession

    I am obsessed with hair accessories for my daughter.  She doesn’t leave home without a bow that compliments her outfit.  Why?  I think they are pretty.  I also like it when people compliment her.  It must suck to have ugly kids. Actually, if your kids are ugly you should accessorize even more.  Relax, I am kidding. (sort of)  My daughter can be feminine and kick ass on a soccer field.  Someday,  she may refuse to wear them, but until then here is a sample of our collection:                   I could not resist buying more bows today when I saw a sale on…

  • Tooth Fairy Fail

    I would like to apologize to our neighbors and plead with them not to call child protective services. My 6-year-old was not being abused last night in spite of the screams reverberating through the street. He lost a tooth. Yes, that is it. He loses his mind at the sight of blood. Actually, he goes to the school nurse for even the tiniest scratch. His tooth was dangling by a very thin thread. With one gentle twist it broke loose. Once the tears dried my kids were imaging aloud what the tooth fairy might bring. My 3-year-old daughter, who obviously just returned to 2013 via a DeLorean equip with a…

  • It’s mine, all mine!

    My daughter has Spidey senses. She can smell food long after it has entered my digestive system. “Mom, what are you eating?” Nothing. Well, not nothing, but it’s mine. Kids take everything from you. I do have my very own candy stash hidden in my house. Caramels, butterscotch discs and root beer barrels are a few of my favorites. (I am going to be very popular at the nursing home.) I know if I share with my daughter my son will want one. Then, my husband will find them. Today I tried to sneak a few Tootsie Rolls before taking my daughter to the park. We have a play set…

  • Hall monitor

    Where the hell is Spider-Man when you need him? Not even an hour after posting about the movie filming in Rochester, NY I needed a superhero. I was driving downtown when I pulled over to take a phone call. It’s illegal to talk without a hands free device. I confess, I wasn’t always a law abiding citizen. I got into serious trouble when I was 19-years-old. My friends and I decided to alter our driver’s licenses in order to get into a local bar. At this joint, Bartenders served watered down cocktails. College guys with IQ’s lower than Ryan Locte crowded the bar. That was fun to us? By the…

  • Care package

    I apologize to all three people who sat with bated breath, waiting to read today’s blog post. I was in a miserable mood this morning. Actually, I was sad. Can I admit that without being labeled crazy? Well, I am, but that’s between me and my therapist. I told you recently about my friend who lost her sweet baby girl. Grace died after surgery, complications from CDH. She would have been 18-months-old today. I decided to drop off a package of goodies for my friend. I realize there is nothing I can do to ease the pain, but I could try to brighten her day. I packed cookies, snacks, magazines,…

  • Best Obit Ever

    This is the greatest obituary ever. Why? It is honest and funny. I didn’t know Harry, but I feel like I did. This obit, written by Harry’s daughter, has gone viral. It is clear he was quite a character and loved by his family. I hate obituaries that merely boast about one’s accomplishments. Guess what? When you are dead it doesn’t matter how many years you were were the President of Rotary. (or that you were never invited to join. eh-hem.) It doesn’t matter if you graduated at the top of your class in high school. By the way, lose the class ring Mr. Mid-Life Crisis. Your birthstone bling isn’t…

  • High tea

    My daughter and I had another tea party. At the rate we are going, I am pretty sure there’s going to be a tea shortage. I tried to take our picture, but every time the camera clicked (damn delay) she would giggle, lean forward and say, “We are SO fancy.” You should have recorded that. I know, I know. I also should have recorded her scolding me for sitting on the cat. Hold up! Don’t call animal control just yet. We don’t have a cat. I am allergic. Knowing this, my husband brought two kittens home last year. “They can live in the house outside.” He was talking about my…

  • Trapped

    “WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE,” my 3-year-old daughter shouted as if filming a scene in a Mission Impossible movie. We couldn’t. We were trapped between a salesclerk drowning in cologne and college students. They couldn’t decide between the shirt exposing their breasts or a skirt that left little to the imagination. My head was spinning. I couldn’t see the exit. The room was not built for a stroller. I kept bumping into metal racks. Muscle shirts were falling to the ground like autumn leaves. The room was dark. Bulbs meant for Light Bright dangled from the ceiling illuminating nothing. My eardrums were vibrating to the beat of blaring…

  • Bad choices grandma

    My 5-year-old wants green hair. “It would be so cool,” he says. He also wants to drop out of school because he can count to 100. “I know everything.” Well, everything except how to say the letter R. He weally needs to stay in kindergarten. I am all about encouraging kids to express themselves, but I like his chocolate brown hair. I won’t let my children get weird piercings either. (Oh, you are one of those moms? Yes, I am.) Sure, it seems like a great idea to have a small curtain rod poking through your nose when you are 17-years-old. Fast forward several years and you look like this…