• Rudolph the Red Nosed Car

    I drove to work behind someone who dressed their car as a reindeer. It had antlers and a red nose. I don’t even have time to wash my car let alone dress it. My first car did wear a bra. Do you remember those? It was a Dodge Daytona with a spoiler and a bra. No, I did not grow up in New Jersey. It was the 90s and it came with it. Are people who decorate their car just trying to spread holiday cheer or is it a cry for help? There is a man in my town who glues decorations to a board and attaches it to his…

  • Question #15

    I don’t watch much news on TV since leaving the business. It is partially due to the fact that my television is locked on cartoons. My days are spent with pigs that grunt mid sentence, rabbits who have no adult supervision and a fox struggling with Kleptomania. I DVR most of the shows I enjoy. I hope to watch them when my children go off to college. I read about current events on my phone. I actually prefer it to watching an hour long broadcast. It allows me to skip the depressing stories and scroll to headlines like this: Former Shoe Salesman Arrested For Trying to Cut Off Ex-Girlfriend’s Toe…

  • Today’s word is disturbing

    My 5-year-old brings home a different book every night. If possible, they are supposed to read it five times to different people. I could not keep a straight face when my son read it to me. We were in hysterics laughing at the ridiculousness of the subject matter. It’s not that I find this family’s loss funny. I just cannot believe it was made into a book to teach kindergarteners sight words. Here it is: Before we begin I read the title. “Goodbye Perky,” I say.  I haven’t seen anything perky in a decade.  “Well, let’s find out where Perky went.” How could I have known what was about to…

  • Falling

    It took me an hour to rake this sorry looking pile of leaves: Our yard was bare so I had to steal leaves from the neighbors yard. My son was quick to point out. “Those aren’t yours.” I know, I am living on the edge. There may even be a warrant out for my arrest. I had to promise him that we would borrow a few and put them back. Yes, I actually had to return wilted, filthy leaves. Damn that kindergarten teacher for teaching morals and values. There wasn’t much to cushion their fall, but they had a blast. I am going to pull out this picture when it…