Siri + preschooler = Friday night entertainment

There was a time when I spent Friday nights bar hopping with friends. How did the phrase “Bar Hopping” come to be? Did people hop to bars before the automobile was invented? Hopping is a lot of work. I would much rather skip or sidestep than hop. Hell, “Bar Galloping” would be easier, but I digress. My point is times have changed. My entertainment this evening came from a 4-year-old and Siri. This is the advertisement for Siri:

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Oh, really? That is not entirely true if a preschooler fires off questions.

My daughter was telling Siri about the birthday party she attended today. Sure, my kid speaks in fragments followed by run-on sentences and throws “-ed” on just about every word, but this isn’t even close:

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Next, my daughter asked Siri if she was funny, if she wants to play and them said, “poop.” Why? Saying the word poop is funny when you’re four. It is knee slapping, roll on the floor, get stomach cramps funny. Some things just can’t be explained. This is what Siri heard:

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What the hell is “pink bunny?” Is that a “game” people play at Coachella?

Finally, and my favorite thus far, my daughter asked Siri to show her a picture of a real unicorn. I play along. After all, she believes an obese man can slide down a chimney, a life-sized bunny brings her candy and a flying lady wants her old teeth. What’s one more lie? This is what Siri came up with:

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We will take that as a yes.

Excuse me Siri?

I am sure this post will offend some people. I know it’s hard to believe, but not everyone enjoys my humor. It has to be difficult to laugh with a stick up your ass. I need to get a “Holier than Thou” filter for my inbox. I am pretty sure Jesus frowns on hate email.

Anyway……

I learned an important lesson last night about computerized women. You should never leave your children alone with them. My 5-year-old, up past his usual bedtime due to a jelly bean induced sugar high, was walking around the kitchen with his Ipod asking Siri ridiculous questions. “Did you poop?” “I hate you,” he giggled. I scolded him for the potty talk. As I turned to walk away he rambled into the microphone about Legos. I froze in my tracks when I heard Siri’s reply. What did she just say?

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No, Siri. My kindergartener doesn’t need you to search the web for “Big dick daddy,” but thanks for asking. I guess I can’t believe her when she says I am a good Mom. She probably heard, “Do fish live in a pond?”