I finally did something I have wanted to do since I was a kid. I peed in the staff bathroom at my old elementary school. When I was in the second grade I saw two teachers walk out of the bathroom laughing. They are having fun in there. I imagined parties with candy, gold sinks and fancy soaps. Why else would they forbid kids to enter?
I volunteer every Tuesday to read with the students in my son’s class. You haven’t lived until you’ve listened to the same story over and over and over again. I could recite the book, “Kit’s Mitt” with my eyes closed. It’s about a girl named Kit who shows up to a baseball game without a glove. Yet, she is still allowed to play and ends up using her hat to catch a ball. I’m calling bulls**t on that one. The kids in this class are great. They are sweet and make me laugh. Plus, a few of them think Kit’s story is bulls**t, too.
I was exhausted during today’s session. So, I drank a lot of coffee. Clearly, I cannot use the toilets in the children’s bathroom. They are way too low. I don’t think I would be able to stand back up. My legs are burning from my latest workout. That’s right fellas, I am going to be rockin’ that mom swim skirt at the beach this year.
I had to use the staff bathroom before I coughed or sneezed. (You know what I am talking about ladies) I half expected to hear someone scold me for going inside. (Cue: orchestra music, orchestra music comes to a halt) It turns out it’s just a regular bathroom. The wall is adorned with framed pictures from the 1980’s. There’s a fake floral arrangement on a small table that would make Oprah Winfrey cringe and a few bottles of lotion.
This is it? This is what I have waited thirty years to see?
Maybe when Kit makes it into the major leagues she can give the bathroom a makeover and give the hardworking teachers the serene space I imagined as a kid.