Things that make you go hmmmmmm

I actually received an email questioning, “Why haven’t you written anything in the past few days?” I love my fan.

I could barely get out of bed, let alone type. I exercise on a daily basis, but my muscles are spent. Raking a million leaves will do that to you. Well, it will do that to you at my age.We got a little behind schedule with our Fall cleanup. Minutes after my husband started clearing the yard today the belt busted on the lawn mower. He insisted he could fix it. This is coming from the same man who “fixed” the oven door with scotch tape. He grabbed his tools. I grabbed a rake. Why can’t men just admit they can’t do something? I can’t pole vault. I can’t carve a bear out of wood with a chain saw. So, I won’t.

I was sweating profusely and cursing under my breath for about an hour until he finally admitted defeat and helped. I miss the (alleged) crackhead that used to rake our leaves. My husband paid this guy $40 to rake our entire yard. He looked like Sebastian Bach, but rolled up to our house on a ten speed. Forty bucks was a steal. There are a lot of trees out there. He could make more working in a sweatshop sewing articles of clothing for the Kardashians. I must give him props. This fella was a hard worker. The problem was he liked to rake topless. He would tear off his shirt and hang it on his belt loop. It was November in upstate New York. His long curly locks were usually tied back in a low ponytail. His nipples were as hard as his beer belly. Oh, what the neighbors must have thought.

Anyway, I do have a few things to share with y’all. File these under the “what the hell were they thinking?”

My daughter opened a Halloween bag this morning with an unusual treat. Yes, this morning. You have to pick your battles.

I would love to know the thought process behind this grab bag. Should we give pre-schoolers lollipops? No. Hershey Bars? Too messy. Skittles? Nah, too colorful. Let’s throw in a piece of candy flavored with alcohol.

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….and here is another

I scratch my head every time I drive by this road. The ‘road naming guy’ couldn’t come up with something else? Perhaps, he was drunk. I think his buddy suggested the name, they giggled and gave each other a high five. I would get a P.O. box if my house was on this street.

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Things that may you go hmmmm….

Sometimes a trip to Walmart brings me such joy. It’s not because it’s one big pajama party. Every so often you discover astonishing merchandise.

Close your eyes and step back into 1991. You are in the club, rocking bike shorts and a neon shirt when the dj spins some C+C Music Factory. File this one under “Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmm….”

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I wish I could have been in the conference room when this brilliant idea was pitched.

Designer: I have an idea that is going to take this company to the next level. It’s a (dramatic pause) t-shirt that looks like a dress shirt. Oh, but it’s not just any dress shirt. We give the illusion that the man is wearing a sweater and a bow tie. We don’t stop there. There will be a name tag on the sweater where we quote an overplayed song by a group that broke up. It says Hello I’m….Sexy and I Know It.

Bam! They are mass produced. You can expect it to be worn this summer at the county fair or fire hall wedding reception.