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A warm hug….
I think it is time for my son’s school to update its book collection. In kindergarten students are encouraged to refer to the pictures to help them read. It makes learning difficult when your kid has no idea what is in the picture. Here is an example. A recent book we read was titled “Hugs Are Warm.” I am sure, back in the day, this book was a contender for the Caldecott Medal. Nowadays, it doesn’t quite work: A warm hug is like… a diseased liver? (Real answer: a water bottle) A warm hug is like…. ….. a furry sweater? (real answer: a coat) A warm hug is like…. ….…
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Smarty Pants
My son is smarter than me. I can’t admit that to him. I don’t want a mutiny. The truth is I was barely a B student in school. He is a high honor roll student. The only award I recall receiving was in my senior year. I won “Biggest Ego.” I guess it’s not normal to have your locker lined with mirrors? I am kidding. You’ve seen the pictures. I was a late bloomer and a very insecure teenager. I guess I didn’t have enough abortions to win any other title. Oh, no she didn’t! Yes. I went there. Bitter is my middle name. My son had a 96 overall…
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B-A-N-A-N-A-S
One of my favorite couponing sites listed a deal on a Banana Slicer. Pay $1.29 and you never have to cut a banana with a knife again. Seriously? The reviews of this product are fantastic. Here are a few:
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So true
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Sick day
I want my 5-year-old to feel better, but for selfish reasons. Don’t call child protective services just yet. Of course, I love my son and don’t want him to suffer, but I would rather be shopping. With just two weeks until Christmas if I don’t get moving I may have to tell my kids Santa Claus died. Instead of chillin’ with the early bird mall walkers, I am home wiping a snotty nose and watching “Fred 3: Camp Fred.” It is a show on Nickelodeon. Fred Figglehorn is quite possibly the most annoying character on television. He speaks in a voice similar to Gilbert Godfrey and takes fashion advice from…
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www.nobodytoldme.com
I try to keep up with modern technology. My phone is smart. I regularly use hip text lingo. LOL. However, I just learned I am stuck in the 90’s when it comes to surfing the web. I didn’t get the memo that you no longer have to type “www” to access a website. My husband saw me logging on to the world wide web and asked, “What are you doing?” Nobody calls it the world wide web anymore? “You don’t have to type www,” he chuckled. I moved my pocketbook and sat down on the Davenport to catch my breath. Am I really that old? I did get a typewriter…
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Halloween Party
We spent the day at a Halloween event in our community. My kids had a blast. There was a bounce house, an obstacle course, zip line, food, etc. A few kids dressed up, but mine did not. My 12-year-old is too cool and my 5-year-old follows his lead. Of course there was the 40-something adult decked out in a horrifying zombie costume. I’m guessing he lives in his mom’s basement. I never really liked Halloween until I had kids. I always felt like an asshole in costume. Some women use the holiday as an excuse to dress like a whore. When was the last time you saw a female police…
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Whiners
I didn’t want to exercise at 8 o’clock tonight, but I had to. I wasn’t trying to burn calories after eating chocolate cake. I needed to escape what was an exhausting day. My children did nothing but whine from the moment they woke up. It started with my 5-year-old son wishing his school would burn down. Don’t worry he isn’t channeling Drew Barrymore’s character in Firestarter . His class is focusing on Fire Safety Week. It’s on his mind. He changed his tune by the end of the day, skipping out the door, giddy over having the opportunity to try on a firefighter’s jacket, boots and hat. His enthusiasm will…
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Falling
It took me an hour to rake this sorry looking pile of leaves: Our yard was bare so I had to steal leaves from the neighbors yard. My son was quick to point out. “Those aren’t yours.” I know, I am living on the edge. There may even be a warrant out for my arrest. I had to promise him that we would borrow a few and put them back. Yes, I actually had to return wilted, filthy leaves. Damn that kindergarten teacher for teaching morals and values. There wasn’t much to cushion their fall, but they had a blast. I am going to pull out this picture when it…
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Who is Ponyboy?
My son has an exam tomorrow in his ELA Course. Back in the day we just called it English. We also walked 20 miles to school, barefoot and in the snow. As I have mentioned his class is reading “The Outsiders.” Get this, he hasn’t even asked to cheat and watch the movie on DVD? Whose kid is this? Anyway, his quiz is on the characters. I had to give him a practice test. Here are just a few of the questions: 1.) Who is Two-Bit Matthews 2.) Who is Soda(pop)’s brother? 3.) What gang does Dally belong to? Growing up I was that smart ass kid who would ask,…