STFU people without kids

Believe me. I get annoyed with parents writing posts about their perfect children. I know it’s all BS and your child is really Satan. However, I actually enjoy looking at pictures my friends post on Facebook of their kids. Blair Koenig does not. This chick started a blog called STFU Parents. We all know a Blair. She is the bitter woman who doesn’t have children. She may not want them. Perhaps she is jealous because much of her adult life has been spent on a bar stool or hugging porcelain. Some of her stuff is really funny, but some of it is mean. There is a simple solution. Adjust the privacy settings on your Facebook page or defriend her. Then, you can post video of your delivery without being ridiculed on her website. On that note, I would never want a permanent recording of child labor. My first baby was delivered without an epidural. I don’t recommend it. I screamed like a feral cat. I almost died delivering my daughter. Besides, your child will never want to watch a DVD of your vagina stretched to the size of a melon. I have known people like Blair who turned their nose to anything related to children. Then, they had a baby. She will change her tune. (By the way, I couldn’t even find a Blair Koenig on Facebook. So, she doesn’t want you to see her personal page? Yet, she is trolling the internet and using photographs of strangers on her blog. Interesting. )

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My son got a yellow card. He didn’t delay the game or trip someone in a soccer match. He got in trouble in the cafeteria. Stand down Dr. Phill.

I knew there was a problem when I picked him up. He walked slowly toward me, stared at the ground and mumbled, “My teacher wants to talk to you.” Great. What could he have possibly done? Did he recite a scene from “The Simpsons?” No, a 5-year-old shouldn’t watch that show, but Mommy can’t always be home. Sometimes Daddy makes poor decisions. What if he cursed? I will kill this little shit.

My son started sobbing when the teacher began to speak. It turns out he called a “friend” an idiot. I think we throw the word “friend” around too much. I would argue they are acquaintances who occasionally share a crayon.

I had to punish him. It is unacceptable for him to insult anyone. I took away video games for the night. His teacher explained that another kid “whipped the bird” at lunch. She had to be fair and punish them both. I’m going to go out on a limb and say f-you is way worse than idiot. Still, this behavior is unacceptable.

This may sound crazy, but this entire situation made me feel like a good mother. My son felt guilty and was embarrassed. I must be doing something right.

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CD is 30

Last night I decided to upload some old skool music to my IPhone. I dragged out my CD binder circa 1993. See kids, back in the day we would keep this in our car and have a wide array of music at our fingertips. This is well before you could magically make a song appear on a MP3 player. My 5-year-old strolled into my bedroom as I was sifting through my music library. “What are those, movies?” he said, pointing to a CD. I informed him that it was a compact disc, “There are songs on here.” Come to think of it, I have not purchased a compact disc during his lifetime! Most major music labels plan to abandon the CD-format by the end of 2012.

I saw on NPR’s website that the CD turned 30 today. Yes, I read something other than TMZ. Can you believe it has been 3 decades since a CD first went on sale. I guess this bad boy is vintage:


Hell yeah, that’s Color Me Badd, Billie Holiday and Ani Defranco in one binder. I have eclectic taste. Wait until my son sees my audiotape collection. It’s going to blow his mind when I show him how to put scotch tape over the holes and record over music.