• Insane Christmas Wish List

    It happens every single year.  My kids decide to edit their list to Santa weeks out from the big day.  Do you think Santa can just whip up a PS4?  No, that s*** is complicated and sold out everywhere and someone should have planned ahead.  Here is something that, as an adult, boggles my mind.  The fact that kids buy the story that Santa makes the toys.  If Target has the action figure or doll  you want then why the hell would Santa have to make them? Santa isn’t using a hammer.  He is swiping the hell out of his Red Card.  My 6-year-old told St. Nick at a recent “Story-time…

  • Pop

    My husband wants to give me a chore for Christmas. He keeps talking about how great it would be to have a Sodastream. “Just think you could make your own soda whenever you want.” Yeah, or I could just grab a can out of the refrigerator, flip a metal tab and take a swig. With three kids I don’t have time to eat a hot plate of food. Now, you want me to die of thirst, too? Someone once lectured me about drinking Diet Coke. “Do you know that it can remove rust? Imagine what it is doing to your body.” I was siked! I can drink it and clean…

  • Teacher sends home letter about smelly students

    A pre-school teacher is being criticized for a letter she penned to parents. Take a look: I don’t see anything wrong with it. Sure, it would have been more professional to speak to the parents face to face. Perhaps, she suspected the parents would become argumentative or even violent. Maybe she couldn’t find them. Calling social services would probably be a waste of time. Would you take offense if your child was well taken care of? I wouldn’t.  She clearly wrote this note while being held hostage because there is no way a teacher’s handwriting can be that bad.  I don’t agree with the fact that she wanted the children…

  • Wide right

    My 6-year-old will never forget his first NFL football game. I am certain of that because he was completely traumatized. He was grinning ear to ear when we pulled into Ralph Wilson Stadium. “There it is! There it is!” My husband gave me the we are awesome parents nod. Damn straight. We are creating memories. We arrived early to do some G rated tailgating in the parking lot. We played football and binged on junk food. My husband woke up early to pack the supplies. Ha! I am kidding. Seeing a man get anyone, but himself ready for a family outing is like coming face to face with a unicorn.…

  • Things that make you go hmmmmmm

    I actually received an email questioning, “Why haven’t you written anything in the past few days?” I love my fan. I could barely get out of bed, let alone type. I exercise on a daily basis, but my muscles are spent. Raking a million leaves will do that to you. Well, it will do that to you at my age.We got a little behind schedule with our Fall cleanup. Minutes after my husband started clearing the yard today the belt busted on the lawn mower. He insisted he could fix it. This is coming from the same man who “fixed” the oven door with scotch tape. He grabbed his tools.…

  • Emotional Baby

    A baby is moved to tears by his mother’s singing. My children cry when I sing, too, but for a very different reason. (You’re a bit pitchy dawg) This is beautiful and worth watching:

  • Come on a my house

    If I were writing a Facebook status I would choose the annoyed emoticon. Then, I would post a picture of dinner and a candid shot of my kids. After an hour I would check back and question why more people haven’t “liked” my status. What the hell! That’s a cute picture. I am annoyed with myself for caring what someone thinks about my house. I don’t live in a shack, but it’s not a mansion. There are scratches, dents and dings on the walls, evidence that three children live here. We have picnics and tea parties on the carpet. Matchbox cars and toy trains race on the hardwood floors. I…

  • Too old

    I had an epiphany while strolling down an aisle in Target. I am too old to wear Uggs. Two teenagers were steps behind me when I overheard one say, “If my Mom wore Uggs I would throw mine in the garbage.” They both let out an evil cackle. I was crying inside. I still feel like I am in my twenties, but alas, I am not. Was I dressing appropriately for my age? It’s not like I am running around in a half top. I rocked that s**t in the 9th grade, but those days are gone. Mama has a stretch mark maze on her belly. A podiatrist made the…