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B-A-N-A-N-A-S
One of my favorite couponing sites listed a deal on a Banana Slicer. Pay $1.29 and you never have to cut a banana with a knife again. Seriously? The reviews of this product are fantastic. Here are a few:
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Sick day
I want my 5-year-old to feel better, but for selfish reasons. Don’t call child protective services just yet. Of course, I love my son and don’t want him to suffer, but I would rather be shopping. With just two weeks until Christmas if I don’t get moving I may have to tell my kids Santa Claus died. Instead of chillin’ with the early bird mall walkers, I am home wiping a snotty nose and watching “Fred 3: Camp Fred.” It is a show on Nickelodeon. Fred Figglehorn is quite possibly the most annoying character on television. He speaks in a voice similar to Gilbert Godfrey and takes fashion advice from…
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Suzie
My 2-year-old daughter wants to go live with Suzie. She hasn’t called to reserve a UHaul yet. This was a rash decision, made out of anger. After a long day, which included a fun birthday party at the zoo, she was extremely tired. In situations like this I would normally say “screw bath time,” but, at one point tonight, she was in close proximity to Rhino shit. So, I peeled off her clothing and plopped her in the bathtub. She was kicking and screaming, “I don’t like you anymore. I’m going to live with Suzie.” It would be an impossible move since Suzie doesn’t exist. Suzie came into our lives…
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Whiners
I didn’t want to exercise at 8 o’clock tonight, but I had to. I wasn’t trying to burn calories after eating chocolate cake. I needed to escape what was an exhausting day. My children did nothing but whine from the moment they woke up. It started with my 5-year-old son wishing his school would burn down. Don’t worry he isn’t channeling Drew Barrymore’s character in Firestarter . His class is focusing on Fire Safety Week. It’s on his mind. He changed his tune by the end of the day, skipping out the door, giddy over having the opportunity to try on a firefighter’s jacket, boots and hat. His enthusiasm will…
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Apple Crisp
What I am about share with you will change your life and your waistline. Look, I don’t pretend to be a cook. Up until a few months ago I considered Hot Pockets fine cuisine. My sister-in-law gave this apple crisp recipe to me and it’s worth sharing. Not only does it taste amazing, baking it makes your entire house smell incredible. I made it today: Apple Crisp: Butter a pie dish or baking pan. Slice 6 apples very thin. In a bowl mix 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/3 cup sugar and sprinkle of nutmeg. Sprinkle over sliced apples. Crumb topping: (I double this) 1 cup sugar, 3/4 cup flour and 1/2…
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Don’t copy!
Can anyone out there bail be out of jail? My 5-year-old son is turning me in. He is in kindergarten and just started bringing home small paper books. Get down from your tree hippie, I know all books are made out of paper. I mean, these are printed at the school. I’m sure they pay a publishing company a ridiculous amount of money for the right to copy 4 pages. I could have written these books myself. “I can run. You can run. We can run.” ( I think it’s pretty presumptuous of the author to assume we all can run.) There are a lot of popular children’s books written…
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Mission Impossible
Sometimes I envy people who can put their child into bed at night and walk away. I’m a wuss and was never able to leave the room when my babies were crying. So, I have rocked them to sleep or laid down with them. (We even went for car rides at midnight to get my son to sleep) There is nothing like having a child fall asleep in your arms. However, there are those nights when you just want the kids to go to f****** sleep. My husband and I have been trying to watch a movie together for the past, oh, year or so. We were going to make…
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Knight Rider
I am not one to turn a blind eye to criminal activity. However, this is one situation I believe breaking the law may be justified. Barbie has apparently kidnapped David Hasseloff. Yeah, this toy is old skool! My daughter says he is Barbie’s Daddy and they are going for a ride. We all know what happened in a Soprano’s episode when someone went for a ride in the trunk. You don’t come back. Perhaps Barbie caught “The Hoff” eating another In and Out burger. That is one disgusting video I will never be able to get out of my head. I had a stern talk with my daughter about why…
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See?
I may have the only child in the world that wants glasses. I took my 5-year-old to the eye doctor a month ago after he complained he couldn’t see words. He cannot read yet. He just started kindergarten. I never purchased the “My Baby Can Read” DVD’s. I am too cheap. Plus, the commercials with babies reading freaked me out more than the dancing baby on Ally McBeal. Besides, if the B-A-B-Y can S-P-E-L-L how can I have a conversation in front of H-I-M? I couldn’t just ignore his cries for spectacles. What if he really was having trouble seeing? It turns out he thought he would be able to…