As Seen On
As Seen on TV products are causing unnecessary stress in my life. My 4-year-old daughter is mesmerized by the commercials. She acts like a middle aged woman at a New Kids on the Block concert when she sees OxyClean on a store shelf. She wants everything on every commercial. She is going to grow up and entertain guests in a Magic Mesh enclosed room. They will eat food mashed with a Chop Magic Chopper and dine by Timber Wick light. Her guests will have a bowel movement while sitting on Comfort Gel Toilet Cushion. When the day is over she will rest her head on a Sobakawa Cloud Pillow.
I hear “I want that” a dozen times a day. She had to have a Ball Pet. It’s a pet you can throw; PETA’s worst nightmare. She nagged me every day for weeks until I finally broke down. Do you know how many times she has played with the Ball Pet? Twice. She also wants a Stuffie. It’s a stuffed animal with a zipper so you can stuff your s**t inside. When I was a kid a stuffed animal didn’t have special features. It sat on the dresser below the cover of a Tiger Beat magazine featuring Ralph Macchico and a Kenny Rogers poster. (That is another story.)
The latest product to launch is “J-Animal.” It’s a stuffed animal you can wear. It comes in child and adult sizes. The pitch is that you can wear it to the grocery store. Who doesn’t want to shop for produce in a tiger costume?
…..and to the mall. As if shopping for jeans isn’t painful enough?
…..or to the movies. I’m sure that wouldn’t scare the hell out of everyone in the theater.
…… and to high school. What better way to fit in than wearing a kitty cat costume to biology class?
How do you clean the J-Animal?
Is it dry clean only or can you use OxyClean?