• Sons & Mudders

    I took my 9-year-old son on a date several months ago.  He is the middle child who, I feel, is often lost in the shuffle. My 6-year-old daughter demands constant attention. I love spending time with her.  She always wants to play with Barbie Dolls.  Of course, she is always the cool Barbie with the nicer house and clothes.  I have to follow her lead.  It’s like high school all over again.   I am my 16-year-old son’s chauffeur.  Quite frankly, I would like to keep it that way. I am a control freak. Unfortunately, much like the my hips, children grow whether you want them to or not.  My…

  • When you gotta go…..

    When you gotta go, you gotta go. Jonathan Lowe, a reporter for KPHO, was arrested on Monday afternoon for defecating on a front lawn. The 33-year-old was seen by a neighbor leaning against a wall and relieving himself. Investigators said Lowe admitted going to the bathroom on the lawn. “I know what you want to talk to me about. I’ve been feeling very sick and I’ve been stuck in this van all day,” he said, according to the report. Lowe was charged with public defecation. He faces a fine of $2,500 or six months in jail for the misdemeanor. I feel bad for this reporter. I had a similar incident…

  • It’s all relative?

    Tom Brady has a hectic schedule. I will give you time to get out your tiny violin. Tom Brady’s schedule is so hectic there is a news article about it.  It’s titled, “Tom Brady Details a Day in His Hectic Life.”  I laughed out loud before I even began reading.  The pictures accompanying the article show Giselle and his daughter on a private jet.  (Talk to me after you have waited in a long line at the airport, taken three kids through security and flying coach on a flight where there are no seat assignments) In another shot the family is horseback riding.                …

  • Jackpot!

    When I was a kid this would have been a dream come true.  As an adult it was hell.  My 6-year-old daughter hit the jackpot at a kid’s casino.  We were at a birthday party at a local arcade. It was a smaller version of Chuck E Cheese with the same lousy prizes.  Each game released tickets.  Usually you spend $20 and get 50 cents worth of toys and candy. This time my daughter won 1,000 tickets.  Many of the items “cost” between 25 to 50 tickets each.  Some are even less.  There are a few prizes that cost more. Children aren’t the best decision makers. (After the presidential primaries…

  • We gather here today….

    The day Elvis Presley died is etched in my memory.  I wasn’t old enough to understand the significance of his passing.  I just recall my mother crying as she stood staring out the window of our second floor apartment. Through the years she spoke fondly of “The King.” I was a typical teenager and often responded with an eyeroll.  He was just a musician.   Now, I get it. First there was the untimely death of Michael Jackson and now Prince.  I grew up listening to his music.  We went from whispering in the backseat to shrieking when “1999” came on the car radio.  Prince was playing on a cassette…

  • All I want for Christmas is….

    I am out twenty-five bucks.  I had to hide it under my daughter’s pillow in exchange for a baby tooth.  I know that is a lot.  I made a rookie mistake that cost me.   Being the tooth fairy isn’t easy.  My brain is mush by the time I put my children to bed at night.  Now, I have to low crawl into a room and put cash under a pillow without waking my kid up? I will tackle anyone who makes too much noise after bedtime.   This time I forgot to make the drop before I fell asleep.  I woke up in a panic.  I creeped into my…

  • Memorable vacation

    I was foolish to think this story wouldn’t get out.  My children spilled the beans the minute they saw their grandparents.  My son told the neighbor moments after we pulled in the driveway.  So, here goes…. I planned a wonderful vacation for my children.  We were traveling to sunny Florida for spring break.   I would take a second mortgage out on my house to get tickets to a theme park, swim in the pool and spend a day at the beach.   I knew, traveling with three children, it wouldn’t be perfect.  This wasn’t my first rodeo.  They would bicker and whine on occasion, but we would still have…

  • I want it all

    They say ‘you can have it all’.  You can work and be a good mother.  I don’t know who they are, but I think they are delusional.  Sacrifices have to be made to do both jobs well.  I was in an awkward position today.  My 6-year-old daughter was vomiting at 4 a.m.  That wake up call is more painful than shopping for a bathing suit or blue jeans.   I hoped it was just something she ate.  I wanted her to feel better.  I also needed her to go to school.  As much as I want to stay home to care and comfort her – I have a job.  Calling in…

  • As good as it gets

    A letter to my children, I know you think life is hard right now.  I made you brush your teeth twice in one day.  I am also the monster that wouldn’t let you stay up late on a school night to play video games, with Barbies or to watch Netflix.  I had the nerve, because I love you, to make you eat something nutritious for dinner,  denying your request to feast on cookies. You think everything will be better when you grow up.  You can stay up as late as you want and eat junk food.  The truth is as an adult you will long for sleep and run for miles…

  • Dead Man Walking 

    I feel like a dead man walking. There is a violent vomit virus going through our school district.  I hold my breath every time I log on to Facebook. It seems every day someone else has fallen ill.  My initial reaction is sympathy for the sick child.  Well, truth be told, I am concerned about the sick child and how it will affect me.  Did my children come in contact with this kid?  Should I wash everything or burn the house down?  I am not trying to be selfish, but I must be prepared.  Waking up to the sound of a child vomiting is worse than anything that comes out of…