Be Mine

I wasted an hour of my life tearing along perforated edges of Valentine’s Day cards. I will never get that time back, but I was helping my children bribe and beg friends to love them. Isn’t that what mothers are supposed to do? I use the term “friends” loosely. In my day they were called classmates. We also sat “Indian style.” I won’t go off on this topic again, but what does Criss cross applesauce even mean? What does applesauce have to do with the position you are sitting? Well, unless you ate too much applesauce. Anyway, we made Valentines for their “friends.” I also made those loom bracelets for each kid in my son’s class. Feel free to roll your eyes. I was disgusted with me, too. Don’t worry, I am not turning into that overachieving Mom, but it was cheaper than candy and I have my eye on a new Michael Kors bag the kids were so happy.

The companies who make boxed valentines cards are screwing with us. Unless you are going to a private school, what classroom has 16 kids? None, they are packed in there like sardines. So, you have to buy two boxes in order to have enough cards. I might as well burn money. Those cards will be tossed aside or thrown away in less than an hour. I tried to convince my daughter to make them, but she refused. She didn’t want princess cards either. I wait 11 years for a daughter and she wants to hand out Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtle cards. It figures.


I laughed out loud when a friend asked me, “What are your plans for the night?” Let’s see, I may binge on nachos and try not to fall asleep before 8. I did receive a dozen roses. It was a sweet gesture, but I honestly could care less about Valentine’s Day. I did see a handful of stressed out men buying gifts in Walmart. One fella couldn’t decide between this:


Or this:


He would pick one up and put the other down. He repeated this about six times. Imagine his dilemma having to choose between the #1 lover mug or the Wild Thing door sign? One gift says “you’re a whore who likes to drink coffee and put stuffed animals on the dashboard of your car.” The other says “we’re doing it.” Decisions, decisions…..

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