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  • Make it work

    I am a model bitches! Well, I was for an hour. I didn’t get the full experience. I opted for french fries instead of cotton balls for lunch. My friend Kevin is a talented photographer. I needed a new head shot and he wanted pictures for his portfolio. Apparently, all that he is missing is the ‘middle-aged Mom with a kangaroo pouch’ shot. He sent me a text message a few days before our scheduled shoot. I nearly spit out my milkshake reading it. High fashion? Does the clearance rack at Target count? What about the white, oversized, v-neck t-shirt I wear around the house? Now, I was nervous. I…

  • We’ll be back after a word from our sponsor

    I have a few funny stories to share with you, but I didn’t have time to write them down today.  I went to Target alone which meant I spent an hour walking around the store in a trance saying “Oh, I want that” over and over.  Meanwhile,  there is a heaping pile of laundry in my room.  The kitchen renovation I started weeks ago is unfinished.  I did get a bottle of clearance shampoo and free body wash (coupons, coupons, coupons).  Someday I am going to quit procrastinating and write more than just blog posts.  There is a novel trapped in my head.  I just need to accept the possibility…

  • Cassette Tape is 50!

    The cassette tape is 50? It seems like yesterday it was 17 and playing in my pink cassette player. My children will never know the joy of trying to find a particular song on a cassette. Play, Fast Forward, Play, Fast Forward, Play, Rewind, Play, Fast Forward, Close Enough, Play. They don’t know what an alarm clock is either. I recently found one when while cleaning out a closet. My 6-year-old asked, “What on earth is that?” I explained how it’s like the App on my phone. “You set the time and it makes a loud buzzing noise.” You can also wake to music on the radio. It never worked…

  • Instructions Not Included

    There are movies that makes you laugh, cry and the rare screenplay that takes your breath away. Honestly, I don’t recall the last time I saw a movie like Instructions Not Included. I absolutely loved this movie. Critics hate it. For years I have based my decision to rent movies on the Rotten Tomatoes rating. Yes, it is ridiculous to make life decisions on a food that claims to be a fruit, but is used as a vegetable. I am glad I didn’t check the website before buying this ticket. I met my good friend, Nikki, at the theater tonight. How did I escape the homestead? I had to taxi…

  • Who wears short shorts?

    I am not a fan of the clothes young girls wear these days. I do not want my daughter dressing like a hoochie mama. Your vagina shouldn’t be longer than your shorts. I love this story out of Utah. A father, annoyed with his daughter’s attire, decided to show her how ridiculous she looked. He didn’t yell at her. Instead, he took scissors and cut up a pair of old jeans. Then, he and his family hit the town. Brilliant! I was recently reminded of the belly exposing shirts I wore freshman year in high school. Touché. Well, I am older and wiser. It’s not like I am walking around…

  • Mommy Dearest

    Mommy Dearest doesn’t have anything on this woman. (Wire hangers still make me nervous.) The children of a Nevada woman wrote a scathing obituary for their deceased mother. Basically, they are glad she is dead. The obit appeared in The Reno Gazette-Journal, which was published on September 10. Clearly, their editor was kidnapped that day. I guess my 3-year-old daughter doesn’t have “the worst mother ever” after all.     Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Aug. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small…

  • Remembering 9/11

    Every year on the anniversary of the terrorist attacks MSNBC replays the original Today Show from September 11, 2001. They have been criticized, many saying we shouldn’t play footage of the planes crashing into the towers on TV. In fact, news directors around the country refuse to broadcast images of the plane’s impact. It’s too painful. Yes, it is and that is why you should watch it. I hope your children and grandchildren watch it someday, too. Let them see firefighters and EMTs race toward the danger to save innocent lives. People who were only guilty of being hard working Americans. Show them what evil is, but how our nation…

  • Call me, Maybe?

    So, that’s a maybe? The President of the United States gave a primetime speech to say “Maybe?” Odd. No, I am not getting all political on you. I hate politics. My husband ran for congress and it was a nightmare. I’m talking “1, 2 Freddy’s coming for you…” scary. It’s a dirty sport especially when you are not rich. Scoring $14.30 in soda cans doesn’t buy much. Well, a top local politician didn’t think he was worthy of running in the primary. Apparently, for some the whole We love the troops thing is just BS. “What have you done besides kill people?!” he screamed, spraying the room with his venomous…

  • Hello, Newman

    It’s quite appropriate that I would find this when cleaning out my son’s backpack this morning. If you haven’t been following along the crossing guard at my son’s school hates me. Doesn’t the Starbucks barista hate her too? Yes, there are one or two or twenty people who dislike me. Whatever. It’s not my fault. The crossing guard is becoming my “Newman.”   We greet one another with a smile and suspicious glare. Our encounters have stretched beyond her crosswalk territory. On Friday I decided to take the kids for ice cream after school to celebrate their first week. I also wanted a coffee, but that wasn’t why we went.…

  • Legendary dancing

    A friend described my dancing at a recent party as “legendary.” Now, I’m not sure if that is a good thing. Perhaps, he thought I looked like a circus freak having a seizure. I don’t really care. If there is music playing I am moving. How on earth can you stay seated when “Jump Around” is blasting through the speakers? (Note to self: jumping around after having three kids isn’t always such a good idea) I have rhythm, but never took dance classes. I’m tall and awkward. I don’t care. I’m not dancing to win America’s votes. I like to joke around. I may even drop to the ground and…