I don’t know who invented twerking, but it needs to stop. Who was the very first person who thought This beat makes me want to stick my a** in the air and wiggle! I am constantly trying to draw attention away from my derrière. Long sweaters are my friend. My daughter would be locked in a tower, have a chameleon for a BFF and end up looking like Crystal Gayle if I ever caught her dancing like this. Actually twerking isn’t even dancing and can be dangerous. Here is proof: You don’t hear about injuries from doing the Roger Rabbit, the Cabbage Patch, the Running Man, etc. Stick to the…

I am finally feeling better. I think my 6-year-old’s prayer helped. It went something like this: Dear God, please let my Mom’s back feel better. If she is sick she can’t take care of us and if she can’t take care of us we will die and I don’t want to die. Amen. He clearly has a lot of faith in his father’s ability to be the sole caregiver. I believe in the power of prayer and the power of strong drugs. I’m taking muscle relaxers and a round of steroids. Hopefully, these pills will reduce the inflammation and make me rich. Hey, it worked for A-Rod and Lance Armstrong.…

If my kids want something they should ask me in about 15 minutes. That is when the muscle relaxer I just popped will kick in. I woke up yesterday with an excruciating pain in my back near my left shoulder blade. So, I did what a hypochondriac should never do, I googled the symptom. In the past 24 hours I was convinced I had a heart attack, lung cancer, gallbladder pain and an ulcer. I spoke to my elementary school BFF, had the ‘we are getting old’ talk and gave her the ‘if something ever happens to me’ speech. It went something like this, “Your job is to be the…

I may never be able to look my 6-year-old’s music teacher in the eye again. She didn’t do anything wrong. She is a really nice woman, a great teacher. Her older son happens to be friends with my 13-year-old. A few days ago he and a few other kids were hanging out at my house. After playing basketball and volleyball they decided to play video games. My daughter was playing at a friend’s house. This gave me an entire hour to myself. I wanted to lay on the bed and eat a pan of chocolate brownies. I decided, instead, to run on the treadmill in my bedroom. Honey, my metabolism…

This short film takes a look at what smart phones have done to us all. It’s an addiction. I remember my daughter was just 2-years-old, wanting my attention, said, “No phone. No phone.” That was my wake up call. I am not perfect, but make a real effort to put my phone away and enjoy my family. You aren’t the mayor of Starbucks. Your virtual cows won’t really die. You can crush candy later. Don’t ya miss the days of the busy signal?