It was a good run.  I have successfully kept my children away from most TV shows, toys, etc. that annoy me.   Caillou has weaseled his way into my home from time to time.  If you thought it was impossible to hate an animated child you haven’t watched this cartoon.  His picture is next to the word evil in the dictionary.  Dictionaries were books when I was a kid.  We didn’t have Google.  We had encyclopedias.  Actually, we had an incomplete collection of encyclopedias in my house.  My parents purchased books as part of a grocery store promotion.  Unfortunately, it ended after they bough volume N-O.  If you needed to…

My 6-year-old daughter has started a diary.  Tonight’s entry  began with “Wow.  Octoeer was a great year….”  We will work on the spelling of October and timeframes, but you get the point.  She was happy.  Today was her birthday.   She was showered with presents and love.  The latter being more important.  She will figure that out when she is older. For now, toys made in China are just as valuable.  This little girl has brought so much love, laughter and hair bows into my life.  Sure, she told me a few days ago that my mouth smelled worse than garbage.   I am still trying to figure out what…

I knew I wanted to work in broadcasting from the moment I got my first tape recorder.  I wanted to grow up and make as little money as possible.    If you are under 20-years-old you may not know that a tape recorder was a machine used to play cassettes.  It could also record music or audio.  We would put a cassette player next to another cassette player, hit the ‘play button’ and illegally dub music for our friends.  It took patience.  Without fail, someone would walk in the room, speak and interrupt the recording. Then, you would have to start over.  Meanwhile, my children complain when it takes longer…

This is brilliant.

Scrolling through Facebook can be emotionally draining especially if you’re having a bad day. Today was a perfect example.  I sounded like Foghorn Leghorn reading the news on the radio this morning.  I logged online and Facebook kicked me when I was down.  Once again, there was ‘that friend’ bragging  about her perfect life.  She gives a daily shout out to her husband who never does anything wrong.  He doesn’t even have a Facebook account.  Her job is also perfect.  Her children, too.  You know it’s a lie, but it doesn’t stop you from second guessing everything in your life.  What am I doing wrong?  There have been times when I…

This is too funny not to share. We all know this person. Perhaps, it is you. I am jealous if you have the freedom to wear this outfit everywhere. Elastic is a gift from God. That and velcro. Can you imagine how much easier life would be if shoe strings and buttons didn’t exist? Maybe I would only have to say “Put your shoes on” fifty times before we left the house each day. I am approaching the “Velcro Years.” It’s acceptable to wear velcro as a young child and as an elderly person. I may or may not fight wrinkles with daily injections, but I will wear velcro sneakers…

I failed miserably last night.   I attempted to go to Target with a list.  I needed milk and Kleenex.   I could have shopped somewhere else.  There was a supermarket and another big box store nearby.   I figured, sans children,  I would be in and out in minutes.  I underestimated the power of the red sticker.  The first mistake I made was grabbing a shopping cart.  I walked briskly toward the cooler to grab a gallon of milk.  I managed to pass fully stocked aisles without going off course.  I placed the milk in the cart and headed toward the paper products. One more stop and I would…

Just when I thought Caillou was the worst thing on  earth my daughter discovered “Shopkins.”  If you are not aware this is the hottest new toy for young girls. I know it’s politically incorrect to assign a gender to toys, but I’ve yet to meet a boy who likes “Shopkins.”  The figurines are the size of a quarter.  Each is an item you could buy at a store, but has a face.  It’s the stuff nightmares are made of.  Here is an example of one overpriced package:    There are boots, food, whatever the hell is in the middle of this package, etc.  What do they do?  I can tell…

There are days when you feel like you’re a good parent.  Then, there are the other 363 days of the year.  I went to bed expecting to have my #1 Mom mug yanked from my fingers in the morning. It wasn’t because my 5-year-old daughter told the neighbor we had a “shit zoo.”  Our dog is a shih tzu.    I lost my temper with my 8-year-old son.  It happened right before bed time.  He was thirsty.  He wasn’t thirsty ten minutes prior when we were downstairs and in close proximity to the refrigerator.  The minute his head hit the pillow his mouth was drier than Snoop Dog’s.  He was parched…

I thought taking my children to an amusement park was exhausting.  That was until I took an 8-year-old and 5-year-old to the grocery store.  Now, spinning violently on tea cups while children scream at 130 decibels seems pleasant.  I usually make the trip alone.  I save money flying solo.  Children want everything they see on TV.  I mean everything! For example, my daughter has an unhealthy obsession with OxyClean.  She acts like a teenager at a One Direction concert when we walk down the detergent aisle, “Mom, look it’s Oxy Clean!”  It actually works, but she doesn’t know that.  She has been brainwashed by commercials.  So, my children want the…