Flash cards. Period.

Dear author of the book series “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,

Did you sleep through most of motherhood? You left out some very important topics. Where is the chapter about having to quiz your child about your menstrual cycle? I had to do just that last night while helping my teenage son study for ihis health class final exam. The first few flashcards were about empty calories and nutrition. I am an expert in empty calories. There were also a few questions about researching medical conditions on the Internet.

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I laughed thinking about what the exam was like when I was a kid. We didn’t have the internet. We had encyclopedias. Actually, we had up to letter M in our house. My parents bought the set at the supermarket. There was a deal where, if you spent a certain amount of money, you get an Encylopedia. Well, the deal expired before we got the complete set. If you needed to research George Washington you were screwed.

Then the quiz took a turn for the worse.

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Nothing can ever prepare you for the day your baby describes why blood is gushing from your vagina.

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Yeah, it’s not that cut and dry especially when you hit peri menopause. You can throw the calendar out the window. That can sneak up on you.

I couldn’t help, but giggle while reading the next flash card a loud. I tried to be a mature adult, but I couldn’t keep a straight face. How can this be happening? It seems like just yesterday this kid was playing with dinosaurs and trains.

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My husband already had “the talk” with him. I was still mortified when he had the first sex ed class at school. Sure, I want him to be educated. Ignorance is not bliss. In this case ignorance leads to babies and/or STDs. It’s just that now I feel like I’m walking around with the word “whore” across my chest. We were both laughing by the time the study session was over. He will ace this test. In fact, I don’t think either of us will ever forget it.

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