I workout

My daughter fell asleep 30 minutes ago, but I am still watching cartoons on Disney Junior. Why? The remote fell on the floor and I can’t pick it up. Seriously, I CANNOT pick it up. Every muscle on my body aches. I did a workout routine today that involved squats and something called a “Burpee.” The only “Burpee” I was aware of involved a baby and spit up. I would rather walk around smelling like puke.

I wasn’t taking a class at the gym. I don’t have the time or attire to workout in public. My exercise gear includes a t-shirt my husband got for free for buying a 12 pack of soda and torn Yoga pants. Hell to the no, I am not wearing my new yoga pants to exercise! What would I wear around the house, silly? Besides, I don’t like to exercise in front of people. I own mirrors. I know what a clumsy fool I look like. I almost fell over more than a dozen times today alone. I miss the thigh master.

There are some great exercise videos on this thing called the World Wide Web. I came across a particular site with everything from simple 10 minute routines to a whopping 1,000 calorie burn workout. It was 80 minutes long. How hard could it be? Well, it was 80 minutes of pure hell. I only stopped briefly to get my 6-year-old a snack and take my 3-year-old to the bathroom. I marched in place while completing those chores. “What are you doing?” my son asked. I explained that I need to keep moving. He replied, “Well you are annoying me.”

There isn’t enough BenGay in the world to help my body now. My son tried to climb on my back earlier and I yelped in agony. Parents see a couch and think about rest. The moment you sit on the couch children see a jungle gym. This mid life crisis is going to have to get used to the jiggle. That is, if I can ever move again.