Play date

My daughter went on her first play date alone. I didn’t make her hitch hike to the house or anything. I actually saw a guy hitch hiking a few days ago. He looked like he hadn’t bathed in six months. There may have been a bird or two living inside his hair. He definitely was not carrying teddy bears inside his backpack. I would give you a ride dude, but I kind of want to live.

I dropped my daughter off at her friend’s house. Consider it a compliment if I trust you with my child. I worked in TV news for a decade. So, I am paranoid as hell. In my mind everyone is a child molester until proven otherwise. My daughter skipped to the door, kissed me goodbye and ran off to play. There weren’t any tears until I got home. I was the one crying. I know I should be happy my daughter isn’t a social pariah. I just cannot believe my baby is growing up.

My 6-year-old gave her a pep talk before we left on “play date etiquette.”

1.) You can’t say idiot there (apparently it’s okay at home)
2.) Say thank you if they feed you (as if they don’t get fed on a regular basis)
3.) Don’t eat like an animal (chewing with your mouth open doesn’t count)

The last time he went to a friends house he came home grinning ear to ear. “Mom, you are going to be so proud of me.” What happened? “I had to pass gas in the car, but I held it in,” he said, waiting for a standing ovation. Then, he let out the loudest fart you have ever heard. I suppose for a man that is a major accomplishment.

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