Dear Pepperidge Farm,
I want to thank you for finally making “Princess Goldfish Crackers.” You have no idea how many days my delicate 5-year-old daughter sat at the table watching her brothers eat and wishing she, too could have crackers. Unfortunately, her teeth aren’t strong enough to chew the manly orange fish crackers. Plus, being that she is female, the color orange is foreign to her. We only taught her the two colors a woman ever needs to know: pink and purple. As you can imagine, because girls are so emotional, I wiped away many tears during snack time.
I promised her that one day girls would get to enjoy crackers, too. I just didn’t think it would happen in my lifetime.
We are going to celebrate this momentous day after we finish doing the dishes, vacuuming and putting away the laundry. Of course, we will feed the boys their goldfish first, putting our needs last. I am going to have my daughter send you a hand-written letter using a Bic for Her pen. I know that Susan B. Anthony is looking down from heaven with a big smile on her face.