Run, Forest, Run

A lady who bears a striking resemblance to an Old Maid card kicked my ass on the high school track. I went for a run yesterday to train for a 5k. The race is today. I am used to running on a treadmill. So, I figured I should introduce my sneakers to pavement. I usually try to avoid exercising in public because I sweat profusely. It was 8:30 a.m. and the track would be empty, right? Wrong! After one lap grandma jumped in lane two. Ha! I thought to myself. Eat my dust grandma! A little healthy competition is a good thing.

I threw on will.i.am’s “T.H.E The Hardest Ever.” and ran like I was being chased. (William obviously failed the lesson on punctuations) J.Lo sings the chorus, “You can go hard or you can go home…” I am going hard grandma! I sped up putting a good distance between us. It didn’t last long. I got tired and slowed down. Grandma and I were neck and neck. Sweat was pouring down my brow and into my eyes. I could barely see the track. You cannot lose. Grandma smirked as she passed by. Then, the bitch taunted me. She started with a side step, threw in some high knee kicks and even ran backwards.

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I made frequent stops for water, but not grandma. She is some sort of camel because she didn’t stop once. When she finished running grandma hopped on a bike and rode home. I would have shaken grandma’s hand or bowed down to her, but I couldn’t catch her. So, I got in my minivan and left. I will be participating in the charity walk and stick to running 5k’s indoors.

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