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Look up……
I laughed when I read this article : Here is an excerpt: I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry By AMY GLASS Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? blah, blah, blah…. Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone…
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Real Deal
I received this email yesterday: Here is my response:
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Her
I did something this weekend I rarely do. I watched a movie that was not rated “G.” There wasn’t an animated princess, minion, fish, etc. I saw the movie “Her” at night in an actual theater. I didn’t even smuggle popcorn or candy inside, opting instead to waste my son’s college fund at the concession stand. When the popcorn was gone I suggested my husband refill the container so we could bring some home to the kids. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked. We laughed. Then, I picked a few kernels out of my dentures and hiked up my nude knee high pantyhose. I will be honest,…
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Make it work
I am a model bitches! Well, I was for an hour. I didn’t get the full experience. I opted for french fries instead of cotton balls for lunch. My friend Kevin is a talented photographer. I needed a new head shot and he wanted pictures for his portfolio. Apparently, all that he is missing is the ‘middle-aged Mom with a kangaroo pouch’ shot. He sent me a text message a few days before our scheduled shoot. I nearly spit out my milkshake reading it. High fashion? Does the clearance rack at Target count? What about the white, oversized, v-neck t-shirt I wear around the house? Now, I was nervous. I…
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Mommy Dearest
Mommy Dearest doesn’t have anything on this woman. (Wire hangers still make me nervous.) The children of a Nevada woman wrote a scathing obituary for their deceased mother. Basically, they are glad she is dead. The obit appeared in The Reno Gazette-Journal, which was published on September 10. Clearly, their editor was kidnapped that day. I guess my 3-year-old daughter doesn’t have “the worst mother ever” after all. Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Aug. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small…
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www.WTF
Here are a few stories that caught my attention while surfing the World Wide Web this morning: Shoplifting Mama An Iowa Mom who was busted for shoplifting claims she was beat down by police. This chick, Brandie (with an ie not y)Randall, stuffed $388 worth of clothing into her 1-year-old daughter’s stroller. Now, she is crying foul claiming police brutally attacked her in a store office. Do you smell a lawsuit brewing? Correct! Brandie (with an ie not y) is working with a Chicago-based civil rights group, Living and Driving While Black Foundation, to file a lawsuit against the officers. Redell is Caucasian. She should be suing the person who…
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Play date
My daughter went on her first play date alone. I didn’t make her hitch hike to the house or anything. I actually saw a guy hitch hiking a few days ago. He looked like he hadn’t bathed in six months. There may have been a bird or two living inside his hair. He definitely was not carrying teddy bears inside his backpack. I would give you a ride dude, but I kind of want to live. I dropped my daughter off at her friend’s house. Consider it a compliment if I trust you with my child. I worked in TV news for a decade. So, I am paranoid as hell.…
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The opposite of Glee
I have a confession. I used to hate the Fox TV show Glee. (Gasp!) I loved the story lines and thought the actors were great, but the constant singing drove me nuts. I never busted out Taylor Swift’s song “Mean” after being bullied in high school. (Granted Taylor Swift wasn’t even alive back then, but you get my point.) The series grew on me. I have even downloaded songs from the Glee soundtrack on Itunes. Still, I would not consider myself a gleek. I am not mourning Finn Hudson. I am sad for the family and friends of Cory Monteith. When I first read about his death I immediately thought…
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Convos with my 2-year-old
This is hysterical.
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Music Torture
I was in the kitchen this morning when I heard what sounded like techno music blaring upstairs. Were my kids hosting a rave? I crept upstairs to bust the party. I did not find glow sticks or over sized pacifiers. Instead, I discovered a digital drum set in front of my 13-year-old’s bedroom door. I bought this electronic drum at Goodwill before Christmas. It only cost $5. Sometimes Santa is on a budget. It sells for $50 on Amazon. Score! I am trying to encourage my 6-year-old’s love of music. I had no idea it would be used in psychological operations. My recently graduated kindergartener channeled Moby, cranked the volume…