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VIP
Once you have children it takes a lot of planning to coordinate a girl’s night out. Last night our calendars were empty. The men would stay home with the kids. My husband assured me he would leave work on time. I took off the yoga pants and put on clothes. I was even going to wear heels. I was as giddy as a child on Christmas morning. Would I really have adult conversation tonight? I wonder what it is like to have hot food? Alcohol? The time I expected my husband to arrive came and went. Then, I got the call, ” I ran out of gas.” Let me repeat.…
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Falling
It took me an hour to rake this sorry looking pile of leaves: Our yard was bare so I had to steal leaves from the neighbors yard. My son was quick to point out. “Those aren’t yours.” I know, I am living on the edge. There may even be a warrant out for my arrest. I had to promise him that we would borrow a few and put them back. Yes, I actually had to return wilted, filthy leaves. Damn that kindergarten teacher for teaching morals and values. There wasn’t much to cushion their fall, but they had a blast. I am going to pull out this picture when it…
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CD is 30
Last night I decided to upload some old skool music to my IPhone. I dragged out my CD binder circa 1993. See kids, back in the day we would keep this in our car and have a wide array of music at our fingertips. This is well before you could magically make a song appear on a MP3 player. My 5-year-old strolled into my bedroom as I was sifting through my music library. “What are those, movies?” he said, pointing to a CD. I informed him that it was a compact disc, “There are songs on here.” Come to think of it, I have not purchased a compact disc during…
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Back to School
Across the country there are mothers drowning their sorrows in chocolate after dropping a child off at college. You may see them at the gym, eyes red and swollen, trying to work it off and avoid going home to an empty house. So, in comparison, my “problem” may seem trivial. I’m having major anxiety about sending my second born to kindergarten. It’s to the point that I’ve looked into home schooling. There are two reasons I could never follow that path. First, I don’t have the patience. Second, I still count on my fingers and couldn’t name all 50 states on a map. (Those middle ones are tricky) How could…
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Oh, Hey Conan!
It’s not polite to brag, but screw it. This is some pretty impressive company:
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I have arrived
I am in the latest issue of a new online magazine for mom’s. I encourage you to check it out. There are some pretty incredible women featured on this site. Hell yes I’m referring to me too! BonbonBreak.com
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A side dish of….
There are certain things you never want to see or hear at a restaurant. Finding a hair in your food is at the top of the list. A waitress with a runny nose is a close second. I rarely go out to eat with the entire family. Once you have more than one kid it’s really more work than it is enjoyable. You don’t see the Duggar’s dining at Chili’s. Well, today I decided let’s take the family out. Yee-haw! (Cue banjo) I won’t say where we went because what happened was not exactly pleasant. I would have preferred our waitress pull her hair back instead channeling Slash from…
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Dora the Gangster
My daughter has learned a lot from Dora the Explorer. She knows “Hola” means “Hello.” From time to time she butchers the Spanish language by making up words. “Bolanenero, Molameno” apparently means “Let’s Go!” Swiper taught her you can’t trust everyone and have to protect your stuff. She may be taking things a little too far. This morning she loaded up her backpack for our daily adventure: After we got past the damn troll (who does this guy think he is trying to stop an unsupervised young girl and his monkey from crossing bridges?) I discovered this in her backpack. I think she got the Nickelodeon show confused with…
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Beach Porn
I was so busy with the BlogHer conference, playing with dolls and cleaning toilets (not necessarily in that order) I forgot to show you the greatest picture ever. I took my kiddos to the beach recently which, if you are a parent, you know is an accomplishment in itself. You have to pack food, towels, extra clothing, toys and beverages. Then, you have to cart it all back through the hot sand while carrying a whiny toddler. We actually had a great time with my brother, sister-in-law and nephews. The water at the lake was the perfect temperature and clean. (We have an algae problem from time to time, but…
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BlogHer ’12
My whirlwind trip to New York didn’t go quite as I planned. My cab was involved in an accident, a homeless man coughed on me as I walked past Bryant Park and I didn’t marry Ryan Gosling. I also had a small mishap in the bathroom. It figures that I would choose the stall previously occupied by a woman who clearly ate too much fiber for lunch. Of course, after I finished my business the toilet wouldn’t flush. I tried hitting the button repeatedly with my foot. Nothing. I couldn’t walk out of the stall with a long line of women waiting outside. It took flailing my arms like Lady…