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La,la,la,la Elmo’s World
I think someone killed Elmo to make my new purse. I received it as a gift yesterday from my 5-year-old daughter. The purse was purchased at the Holiday Gift Shop at school. Every year I give my children money to shop. To outsiders, a.k.a. people without children, it may seem like I am just throwing money away. I might as well burn it. There is no denying the items for sale are crap. You are blinded by the ‘Made in China’ stickers at this shop. It sells everything from rings that turn your finger green, cheap plastic toys to the ever popular #1 dad mug. We have five in the…
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Rudolph the Red Nosed Car
I drove to work behind someone who dressed their car as a reindeer. It had antlers and a red nose. I don’t even have time to wash my car let alone dress it. My first car did wear a bra. Do you remember those? It was a Dodge Daytona with a spoiler and a bra. No, I did not grow up in New Jersey. It was the 90s and it came with it. Are people who decorate their car just trying to spread holiday cheer or is it a cry for help? There is a man in my town who glues decorations to a board and attaches it to his…
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Podcast
I know, I cannot believe this is free either. You lucky bastard.
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Podcast
…and for your listening pleasure
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Conversations in the minivan
Let’s talk Ebola & RHONJ.
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Stuffed Animals Doing Double Takes
The brilliant man who made this video is a friend of mine. Luke Mayo is the father of two girls. He is one of the funniest people I know. His children won’t appreciate his humor until they are much older. My kids think everything I do is dumb. I think I am pretty funny until I crack a joke in a car full of teenage boys and hear crickets. Parents everywhere will get a chuckle out of this clip:
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Will work for Botox
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Tube socks and other pressing issues
I used to be a TV news reporter. I wore a lot of make up. It was like plaster. I don’t wear much anymore. (#LOOKATYOUROWNRISK) In this vlog you will see every nook and cranny. That’s life. I’ve earned each and every line. (….but #WILLWORKFORBOTOX) My mouth sparkles. Growing up, I went to a dentist in a town with one traffic light. He brushed my teeth and billed the insurance company. The end. I had better equipment in my play set at home. So, I got a few cavities. Back then, if you fixed the problem, you looked like Lil’ Wayne. (if he were poor) The fillings were silver. Nobody…
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Sticks and stones
I drive a minivan. I fought it for the longest time. I crammed my children into a SUV because I wasn’t going to be that mom. I was still cool. With the right Spanx and a little Botox I was still hot. Then, for the same reason people wear elastic pants I got a van. I wanted to be comfortable. I am comfortable when my kids are not arguing. If they couldn’t touch each other there would be less fighting. “His elbow is in my spot.” His elbow is connected to his arm. There is nothing I could do about that except get a vehicle with more space. I fell…
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Viral videos
Here are a few of my favorite viral videos posted on “The Facebook” today. A party isn’t a party until the DJ plays “Baby Got Back.” …and this one is sure to cure those Monday blues. This video is funny because these people cannot get off the float. Is there ever a graceful way to get down from an inner tube? The answer is no. There is also no way for an adult to maintain their dignity going down a children’s slide. I made the mistake of taking my daughter to a playground this past weekend after a wedding. I become a Crash Test Dummy whenever we visit the park.…