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Play date
My daughter went on her first play date alone. I didn’t make her hitch hike to the house or anything. I actually saw a guy hitch hiking a few days ago. He looked like he hadn’t bathed in six months. There may have been a bird or two living inside his hair. He definitely was not carrying teddy bears inside his backpack. I would give you a ride dude, but I kind of want to live. I dropped my daughter off at her friend’s house. Consider it a compliment if I trust you with my child. I worked in TV news for a decade. So, I am paranoid as hell.…
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Vintage treasures
I will never forgive my father for throwing away our original Atari video games. They were stored in a box in a corner in the attic. We all moved out and he cleaned house. It brings a tear to my eye to think of Donkey Kong sitting alone in a landfill. A friend of mine still has her vintage gaming system. She pulled it out and her kids played for hours. Her 13-year-old son mastered Pitfall on his first turn. What the hell was wrong with us? I barely made it past level four. An original Atari system sells for over $100 on Ebay. It isn’t the only…
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Minivan mix
I finally made a mixed tape for the minivan. It had a variety of songs from different genres: pop, rock, country and jazz. I overheard my 13-year-old and his friends listening to Billionaire by Travie McCoy, Featuring Bruno Mars. I think Bruno Mars has an incredible voice. Travie McCoy is from a small town in my neck of the woods. I added it to the playlist thinking that would impress a teenager who is impossible to impress. Song four played on the van’s CD player. (It’s a six disc changer bitches. That’s how I roll!) “I want to be a billionaire so f-ing bad!” (rhymes with trucker) I guess that…
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Garage Sale Finds
My entertainment of late is browsing an online garage sale website. Here are a few of my latest finds : How exactly does one play with parakeets? For only $50 you can buy this Chuckie doll for your child. (Therapy will cost a lot more) What goes better with jeans shorts and crocs than a fur vest? Plan on winning the best dressed award at the county fair. I am just guessing, but I doubt the local convenience store appreciates you selling their shopping baskets.
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Fancy food
We had big plans tonight. The entire family was going out to dinner. We were tired of just hearing stories about restaurants that serve food on plates instead of baskets and put cloth napkins on tables. We were gonna take the kids to see one of them fancy joints. It may not seem like much to people without children. It is a huge deal. I made sure the entire family was dressed like Jcrew models. Well, with the exception of pairing red, orange, purple and green in a single outfit. I have said it before and will again. The models in the catalog always look great, but when I mix…
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Bingo
There is no turning back. I did something that makes it impossible to deny being middle aged. I went to Bingo. This was the real deal. A handwritten sign outside the door directed you to the basement of a church. Elderly gamers got there early to set up. Dozens of rainbow daubers lined each table. Several players had stuffed animals for luck. You thought that toy you won at the carnival was junk? I bet you feel like a fool now. These ladies weren’t playin’. They brought dinner, dessert and snacks. My sister-in-law told me that one time a woman shit herself and played through. That is dedication or a…
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Fish tale
It took 38 years to realize I hate fishing. Hate. The preparation sucks. The waiting sucks. Catching nothing, but seaweed sucks. I came to this realization today after taking the boys fishing at my in-laws house. Their home overlooks a river lined with trees and flowers. There are often swans swimming in the water. A steep wooden staircase leads down to a deck, the perfect spot to fish. My nephews are in town for the week from Ohio and fishing is one of their favorite things to do. My boys were excited, too. My 3-year-old daughter wanted no part of it. She opted to stay indoors with grandma, have a…
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Music Torture
I was in the kitchen this morning when I heard what sounded like techno music blaring upstairs. Were my kids hosting a rave? I crept upstairs to bust the party. I did not find glow sticks or over sized pacifiers. Instead, I discovered a digital drum set in front of my 13-year-old’s bedroom door. I bought this electronic drum at Goodwill before Christmas. It only cost $5. Sometimes Santa is on a budget. It sells for $50 on Amazon. Score! I am trying to encourage my 6-year-old’s love of music. I had no idea it would be used in psychological operations. My recently graduated kindergartener channeled Moby, cranked the volume…
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Barbie Girl
Do you know what hell is? Listening to a Norwegian pop song over and over before the sun comes up. So, why do it? Well, my husband doesn’t always think about the consequences of his actions. My 3-year-old daughter loves to play with Barbies. He thought to himself, I bet she would love a song about Barbie. Before I could talk him down from the roof he jumped and downloaded Aqua’s Barbie Girl circa 1997. If you have children you know when a child likes a video, book or song they really like it. They want to watch, read or listen to it a million times a day. So, I…
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Run, Forest, Run
A lady who bears a striking resemblance to an Old Maid card kicked my ass on the high school track. I went for a run yesterday to train for a 5k. The race is today. I am used to running on a treadmill. So, I figured I should introduce my sneakers to pavement. I usually try to avoid exercising in public because I sweat profusely. It was 8:30 a.m. and the track would be empty, right? Wrong! After one lap grandma jumped in lane two. Ha! I thought to myself. Eat my dust grandma! A little healthy competition is a good thing. I threw on will.i.am’s “T.H.E The Hardest Ever.”…