• After Fourth Disease

    My daughter has contracted, yet another illness. This latest diagnosis scared the hell out of me. It turned out to be far less serious than I thought. It got me thinking. Why would a medical professional give a viral infection such a chilling name. So, I wrote a short film about it. FADE IN A man with bushy sideburns is pacing back and forth in a medical research lab. The lights are dim. He is in deep thought and does not hear the door open. SCIENTIST #2 “Hey, what are you working on?” The frustrated scientist, who won’t realize how ridiculous his facial hair looks until his children snicker at old…

  • F**k you, Caillou

    Ten things I would rather do than watch Caillou. 10. Get a Brazilian wax 9.   Give a Brazilian wax 8.  Wake up in 1970 with a debit card and no cash 7.   Wake up next to Carrot Top 6.    Be a Kardashian  5.    Be Kid Rock’s Loofah 4.   Try on swimsuits with model Giselle Bund- whatever the hell her name 3.   Eat out of the nacho fountain at Old Country Buffet 2.   Walk around Orlando, Florida in August wearing a long sleeve pantsuit made out of bacon  1.    Call my bank using a rotary telephone  

  • Instructions not included

    The Oscars are a week away and I have seen four of the movies nominated, two of which were animated films.  That is a record for me.   I think the movie “Instructions Not Included” deserved a nomination.  It didn’t resonate with critics, but the common folk gave better reviews.  The Spanish-language film grossed over $40 million.  I saw it in the theater with a good friend of mine, but watched it again on TV over the weekend with my husband.  We tried to start the movie when the kids were still awake.  It was a bad idea.  My 6-year-old is learning to read and is very excited about it.   Do…

  • Wedgie

    It’s a new day which means another celebrity is going to post a picture of themselves on Twitter.   I’ve never had the urge to go in the bathroom to snap a selfie.   You’re welcome.  My favorite pics are when people are obviously posing, but pretend to be caught off guard.  Oh, I didn’t see you standing there with a camera. I was just risking my life, hanging on to this plant near a cliff in Mexico while standing in my underwear. (I call that Tuesday) Actress Lea Michele posted this pic on New Year’s Day. There is no denying she is talented and gorgeous.   The girl also has…

  • Pop

    My husband wants to give me a chore for Christmas. He keeps talking about how great it would be to have a Sodastream. “Just think you could make your own soda whenever you want.” Yeah, or I could just grab a can out of the refrigerator, flip a metal tab and take a swig. With three kids I don’t have time to eat a hot plate of food. Now, you want me to die of thirst, too? Someone once lectured me about drinking Diet Coke. “Do you know that it can remove rust? Imagine what it is doing to your body.” I was siked! I can drink it and clean…