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Next Reality Star
I am addicted to reality TV, but I cannot bring myself to watch people eat deodorant, cat hair or tires. I don’t understand how anyone can sit through an entire episode of TLC’s “My Strange Addiction.” I gag during the previews. Then again, I am disgusted if someone drinks out of my glass. I won’t even let my own children take a sip of my water. Especially not my own children. They always leave a little surprise crumb behind. The show is in its 4th season so the producers must be doing something right. I am pretty sure catching your spouse eating a couch cushion is grounds for divorce. Nor…
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Mean Girls
I am pretty sure I was bullied by dog groomers. I made an appointment for our puppy, Max, to get a haircut. I am never letting my husband near the shears again. As you may recall, Sweeney Todd transformed our adorable dog into a rat with his last cut. I am surprised our neighbors didn’t call animal control. That dog looked, to quote an old friend, “tore up from the floor up.” The only appointment available in the next few weeks was 2:30 yesterday. The time was smack in between when my 5-year-old and oldest son get out of school. So, I parked as close as I could to the…
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Game Night
I don’t know about your house, but in mine game night always ends in tears. Families always look so happy in the commercials, smiling and laughing. Don’t get me wrong, it starts out fun. My younger kids jump up and down with glee. They love playing board games. Our favorites are Hungry, Hungry Hippo, Twister and Trouble. I have to force my oldest to put down the IPad and play.You will spend time with your family and enjoy it, damn it! They each take a turn, but quickly forget whose next. “It’s my turn.” “He took my turn.” “She just went.” I may not be able to remember why I…
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Quotes From the minivan
I am starting a new series titled “Quotes From the Minivan.” It will include random conversations between my children. Today: Child #1: “Eww, what’s that smell?” Child #2 “I have no idea.” Child #1 “Oh, maybe it’s just my hand.” Um, Wtf? …..and I quickly apply sanitizer.
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Selfie
I have been scouring the internet for a distraction. I need something, anything to drown out the sound of my aching heart. I came across a photograph posted by TMZ of a 900k car on a flatbed truck. Apparently, the custom made vehicle belongs to William from the pop group Black Eyed Peas. William, Will.i.am, tomato, tomatoe, whatever his name the story aggravated me. I suppose it didn’t help that an hour earlier I was returning soda cans. Are those machines designed to spit warm pop in your face? (I grew up calling anything with carbonation “Pop.” Over the years I got all fancy and started using the word soda.)…
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Mom Takes Children’s Songs Literally
I was in desperate need of something to smile about. This article actually made me laugh. “Mom Takes Children’s Songs Literally” comes to us from Mcsweeneys.net Kudos to Sarah Schmelling. Here are a few of my favorites: – – – – What do you mean, she’ll get here “when she comes”? That’s not a time. How can I plan around that? – – And we’ll all have chicken and dumplings? All of us? Even you three vegetarians? Who’s going to be cooking these dumplings anyway? Remember that time I made pierogies? No, I bet you don’t remember that. – – Okay, someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah. What is…
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B-A-N-A-N-A-S
One of my favorite couponing sites listed a deal on a Banana Slicer. Pay $1.29 and you never have to cut a banana with a knife again. Seriously? The reviews of this product are fantastic. Here are a few:
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*%#^*#
My son came home from school knowing how to swear in Japanese. Well, at least that is what he thought. He likes to give me a daily report on who behaved and who lost it. This girl scribbled, this boy didn’t raise his hand, another kid ran in the hallway, etc. Remember, this is the same kid who called someone an idiot in the cafeteria. He has since redeemed himself. In fact, the lunch lady rewarded my son’s good behavior with a free ice cream coupon. What, What! It is amazing what kids learn in school. Last year my son found out his classmate’s father was in jail. “The bad…
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Who is Ponyboy?
My son has an exam tomorrow in his ELA Course. Back in the day we just called it English. We also walked 20 miles to school, barefoot and in the snow. As I have mentioned his class is reading “The Outsiders.” Get this, he hasn’t even asked to cheat and watch the movie on DVD? Whose kid is this? Anyway, his quiz is on the characters. I had to give him a practice test. Here are just a few of the questions: 1.) Who is Two-Bit Matthews 2.) Who is Soda(pop)’s brother? 3.) What gang does Dally belong to? Growing up I was that smart ass kid who would ask,…
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Apple Crisp
What I am about share with you will change your life and your waistline. Look, I don’t pretend to be a cook. Up until a few months ago I considered Hot Pockets fine cuisine. My sister-in-law gave this apple crisp recipe to me and it’s worth sharing. Not only does it taste amazing, baking it makes your entire house smell incredible. I made it today: Apple Crisp: Butter a pie dish or baking pan. Slice 6 apples very thin. In a bowl mix 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/3 cup sugar and sprinkle of nutmeg. Sprinkle over sliced apples. Crumb topping: (I double this) 1 cup sugar, 3/4 cup flour and 1/2…