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Guessing Game
I am convinced my children were game show hosts in a past life. They are constantly making me guess things, but there is never a prize. Every statement begins with one question: “Guess what?” I am at a disadvantage. I would have to be the ‘Long Island Medium’ to guess correctly and that’s impossible because my curling iron retired in the 1990s. I recently jotted down some of the interesting things that followed after my children said, “Guess what?” Well, that’s a lie. I didn’t jot anything. Who jots anymore? We keep notes on our phones. ‘I typed on my phone’ just doesn’t have the same ring to…
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Britt McHenry 0 Tow company clerk 1
Have you seen this video? ESPN reporter Britt McHenry goes on a nasty tirade against an attendant for a towing company. Britt was upset that her car was towed while she was at dinner. So, she criticizes the lot clerk’s job, education, teeth and weight. Britt clearly believes she is above this woman because she in on TV and went to college. The funniest part is that Britt thinks she was hired for her degree. Bless her heart. That is like saying the restaurant “Hooters” hires waitresses because of their personalities. ESPN wanted to give their mainly male audience some eye candy. She may actually have sports knowledge, but was on…
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Free school supplies
I bring a three ring binder with me when I go shopping. My teenage son is embarrassed and prefers to wait in the car. My daughter reminds me, “Don’t forget your coupons Mommy.” Well, you can laugh all you want Mama saved 50 cents yesterday. Boo-yah! I actually get a lot of free stuff, too. For example, I just picked up some free school supplies. I know it’s not even August yet, but free is free. I dread the end of summer. It’s a lot of work getting three kids to and from school. That and my 13-year-old’s homework is getting difficult…. for me. Who the hell cares how long…
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Minivan mix
I finally made a mixed tape for the minivan. It had a variety of songs from different genres: pop, rock, country and jazz. I overheard my 13-year-old and his friends listening to Billionaire by Travie McCoy, Featuring Bruno Mars. I think Bruno Mars has an incredible voice. Travie McCoy is from a small town in my neck of the woods. I added it to the playlist thinking that would impress a teenager who is impossible to impress. Song four played on the van’s CD player. (It’s a six disc changer bitches. That’s how I roll!) “I want to be a billionaire so f-ing bad!” (rhymes with trucker) I guess that…
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NKOTB
I recently read an article about Ty Beanie Babies being worth far less than experts predicted. Do you remember how people flocked to stores to buy the latest release? True collectors protected their Beanie Babies in curio cabinets. Amateurs cut off the tag. Fast forward a decade later and you have a worthless box of teddy bears. Fools. (Evil cackle) I had a better plan to get rich. I collected New Kids on the Block Memorabilia. Who the hell could have predicted that comeback? There was no way of knowing women, on the verge of “the change,” would buy albums and concert tickets in 2013. So, according to the Ebay…
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Valentine’s Day Tree
It is February, but still looks like December in my house. My 3-year-old daughter won’t let me take down her Christmas tree. It’s just a small artificial tree tucked in the corner of the playroom. She pleaded with me to leave it up when I took the other decorations down. I figured she would forget about it a few days later. She did not. I’ve tried to get rid of it, sneaking around as the Grinch while she slept. The next day, she scanned the room like the Terminator demanding to know, “Where is my tree?” I told her we cannot leave it up all year. “Why not?” Well, because…