If my daughter doesn’t fall asleep soon I will have to read about the season finale of XFactor. We are watching Little Nut Brown Hare play in a meadow. Can you think of a worse name for a cartoon character? I can. His father is Big Nut Brown Hare. I adore the book “Guess How Much I Love You.” My daughter loves the cartoon, but I want to see if this young lady wins a $5 million recording contract. Her name is Carly Rose Sonenclar. She is only 13-years-old, yet her voice gives me goosebumps:

Bank Compliment

I live in a town where you are on a first name basis with the bank teller. It’s not Mayberry, but close. She gives out lollipops and knows how many kids I have. I am guessing she doesn’t have any children. I say this because she gives a different lollipop to each of my three children. Why don’t you just punch me in the head? It would be less painful than listening to them whine over who gets the red one.

I don’t interact with her outside of our drive-thru banking relationship. In fact, I’ve never seen her around town. Perhaps the bank is holding her captive?

Well, today my bank teller gave the usual required bank greeting. Then, she did a double-take. A look of disbelief shown on her face. “You look skinny. Have you lost weight?” Now, who doesn’t want to hear that? I giggled as I described my new exercise regime, “I have been running.” A minute passed when suddenly her compliment gave me pause. The only part of my body visible to her is the upper part of my torso and head. How could she tell I lost weight? My face doesn’t look that much different. Did I have shoulders like a line backer? Did she find the fat hanging over my bra strap revolting? Was my friendly bank teller judging me all along? I hope she doesn’t think less of me for buying that shake weight from the TV infomercial. I pulled away feeling less confident than when I pulled in. I also had a raging headache thanks to the complimentary green, orange and red lollipop.

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If you don’t watch the XFactor you are missing out.  No, Simon Cowell isn’t paying me to say that.  I wish.   This audition by a 13-year-old girl is unbelievable.  I have watched it four times already.  I would buy her version on ITunes.   At her age I was awkward and had horrible hair.  In fact, Carly Rose Sonenclar has more confidence at 13 than I do at 37.



Oops, I Did It Again

I am not usually a fan of “bowel movement humor.” I am the only one that feels this way in my house. My husband and three boys laugh hysterically over farts, fart jokes, toys that make farting sounds, etc. My toddler is well, a toddler and thinks it’s funny to replace words with poop, poopie, pooper, etc. Well, I am joining their club for this post. Let me begin by saying I love me some Britney Spears. I think my girl went through some serious postpartum depression and never got the proper help. Thus, her mental breakdown. Anyway, that is another blog post. I am happy she is doing better. She looks fantastic! However, I was struck by the facial expressions she makes on the X-Factor. Brit looks like she made need some Ex-Lax. I present to you:

The Many Constipated Faces of Britney Spears:


– I refer to this as her guilty face. Perhaps, she just let one out. You know, like when you’re pregnant and you lose control of all bodily functions?


– this is her “Oh my Gosh I have to use the bathroom, but this kid hasn’t even started singing” face.
(I have made this face while grocery shopping with 3 kids)


– Here our pop star is reacting to the fact that her own shit does in fact stink

– Now she wishes she did take that stool softener.

You’re welcome. I will continue to cover your hard hitting news. Read more at CynicalMother.com