Today’s word is disturbing

My 5-year-old brings home a different book every night. If possible, they are supposed to read it five times to different people. I could not keep a straight face when my son read it to me. We were in hysterics laughing at the ridiculousness of the subject matter. It’s not that I find this family’s loss funny. I just cannot believe it was made into a book to teach kindergarteners sight words. Here it is:

Before we begin I read the title. “Goodbye Perky,” I say.  I haven’t seen anything perky in a decade.  “Well, let’s find out where Perky went.” How could I have known what was about to happen? This book is supposed to help my kid memorize took and we.

They took a box? Why would they need that?

Oh, they are doing some sort of art project.

A blanket? That is really too small to be a blanket. They must have found some cool project on Pinterest. I can’t wait to see what they create.

Um, Perky? Are you okay? “Is he sleeping,” asked my 5-year-old.

Whoa! What the hell happened to Perky? This book just took a turn for the worse.

Perky is gone. Could we have gotten a little warning in the prologue? “Maybe they left him out in the sun,”my 5-year-old chimed in. Clearly, my excessive use of sunblock has created an irrational fear.

Found a stone? It looks like you found a stone in your neighbor’s garden. Maybe I should find the Mercedes my retired neighbor just bought. That’s called stealing kids.

I am pretty sure there are laws about burying pets. By the way, this isn’t a conversation I want to have with my kindergartener right before he goes to bed. Sweet dreams honey. I hope you don’t have nightmares about a dead parrot.

For the love of God, will this story end already.

I am glad their parents are trying to give them closure. However, can we do this in say 5th grade?

“Why the heck would someone give a kid a book about a dead bird?” my son asked. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t speak

I really hope the school doesn’t kill the family dog while trying to teach the words with and to.