Alakazam!

Well, there goes my plan to buy a magic spell on EBay to make my kids behave. The Internet auction site is banning the sale of spells, magic potions, curses, prayers, etc. Apparently a few buyers that weren’t satisfied had to go and ruin it for all of us. I almost had enough money saved for a potion that would make my husband pick up his socks. Wizards everywhere are so angry over the ban they cancelled tonight’s Magic the Gathering tournament. I actually had a boyfriend in college that played this game. I even went to the comic book store with him to buy the cards. There was always a few overweight guys, wearing Batman shirts sitting around a card table. The fluorescent lights highlighted the crumbs in their unkept beards. Young love will make you do foolish things. He is the same one who ditched me for an Applebee’s waitress. He was clearly getting more than half-price appetizers from her. Imagine my life if he went to Chili’s? By now we would have been the couple with level 5 status.

 

I have purchased countless items on EBay. I have kids who become obsessed with a movie years after it was released. So, they ask Santa for toys from the film. Well, since they are no longer for sale at Target I have to spend a small fortune to put this stuff under the tree. I get no credit. My kids continue to believe I would let a strange man in a costume come in our house. I don’t even let the gas man in to check the meter.

 

Who the hell would pay for magic spells? I’m thinking the Paypal dispute form would look like this:

Transaction Information:

Transaction ID: 17K678954R899

Seller Name & Email: Severus Snape MrPotion@gmail.com

Transaction Date: June 2, 2012

I’m opening this dispute because:

[ ] I haven’t received my item

[ ] I received my item, but it is significantly not as described. For example:
• The item was damaged or defective
• The box was empty
• The order was incomplete

Other: the magic spell didn’t work

Compose Message to Seller

The recipe for the potion I purchased from you online was incomplete. My obnoxious boss did not turn into a frog. I would like a refund.