My son got a yellow card. He didn’t delay the game or trip someone in a soccer match. He got in trouble in the cafeteria. Stand down Dr. Phill.

I knew there was a problem when I picked him up. He walked slowly toward me, stared at the ground and mumbled, “My teacher wants to talk to you.” Great. What could he have possibly done? Did he recite a scene from “The Simpsons?” No, a 5-year-old shouldn’t watch that show, but Mommy can’t always be home. Sometimes Daddy makes poor decisions. What if he cursed? I will kill this little shit.

My son started sobbing when the teacher began to speak. It turns out he called a “friend” an idiot. I think we throw the word “friend” around too much. I would argue they are acquaintances who occasionally share a crayon.

I had to punish him. It is unacceptable for him to insult anyone. I took away video games for the night. His teacher explained that another kid “whipped the bird” at lunch. She had to be fair and punish them both. I’m going to go out on a limb and say f-you is way worse than idiot. Still, this behavior is unacceptable.

This may sound crazy, but this entire situation made me feel like a good mother. My son felt guilty and was embarrassed. I must be doing something right.

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