Steam Clean

I have come to the conclusion that the best baby shower gift is a steam cleaning machine. Before you are a parent you think you need stuff like a “Diaper Genie.” You can’t smell the dirty diapers that is until you open the lid. If you think shit smells bad, guess how good shit that has been stored for a few days in a plastic container smells? If that thing was a real genie it would make the diapers disappear.

Registering for a baby shower alone is like drunk texting. You will regret it. Bring an experienced mother with you. I have used my steam cleaner more than my coffee maker this past week. This evening, I had the pleasure of cleaning fruit punch off the carpet. It’s how the other half lives. I know what you are thinking: “my children will only eat in the kitchen or dining room.I just laughed out loud. Let’s pretend that happens, you forgot about spit-up, vomit and urine. You will spend the next 18 years cleaning up all three. Isn’t motherhood glamorous? If I didn’t have a steam machine my carpet would look like a Twister mat.

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