-
True Christmas Spirit
‘Tis the season for my 6-year-old daughter to go around the house gathering her toys, jewelry and crafts made out of toilet paper rolls to wrap up. She is the queen of re-gifting. I remember going to a birthday party as a kid and one of the guests did something similar. She re-gifted used earrings. Some of the girls laughed behind her back. Others felt bad that she couldn’t afford something new. As an adult I think differently about that box of tarnished stud earrings. Perhaps, the gift was actually more thoughtful than any of the scrunchies, banana clips or jelly bracelets we purchased. Maybe she sacrificed her prized possession…
-
Rock, paper, scissors
I have a new hatred for the paper gowns at a doctors office. I sat in an exam room with an 8-year-old patient for 45 minutes. My son was scheduled for a checkup. It would have been a stress-free appointment had it not been for the constant rustling of the gown. Like most children, he cannot sit still. It’s no secret that I suffer from Misophonia. A crisp apple can send me over the edge. Being in a 10 x 10 room with a child in a paper gown is pure torture. I was on the verge of ripping the damn thing off him when the…
-
Britt McHenry 0 Tow company clerk 1
Have you seen this video? ESPN reporter Britt McHenry goes on a nasty tirade against an attendant for a towing company. Britt was upset that her car was towed while she was at dinner. So, she criticizes the lot clerk’s job, education, teeth and weight. Britt clearly believes she is above this woman because she in on TV and went to college. The funniest part is that Britt thinks she was hired for her degree. Bless her heart. That is like saying the restaurant “Hooters” hires waitresses because of their personalities. ESPN wanted to give their mainly male audience some eye candy. She may actually have sports knowledge, but was on…
-
Podcast
Here is another podcast for your listening pleasure. I am not pretending to be Howard Stern. It’s a work in progress. I celebrate small victories. For example, I finished this podcast without a single child asking for food. My children want a snack minutes before a meal begins and seconds after a meal ends. I am convinced they have tapeworms.
-
La,la,la,la Elmo’s World
I think someone killed Elmo to make my new purse. I received it as a gift yesterday from my 5-year-old daughter. The purse was purchased at the Holiday Gift Shop at school. Every year I give my children money to shop. To outsiders, a.k.a. people without children, it may seem like I am just throwing money away. I might as well burn it. There is no denying the items for sale are crap. You are blinded by the ‘Made in China’ stickers at this shop. It sells everything from rings that turn your finger green, cheap plastic toys to the ever popular #1 dad mug. We have five in the…
-
Rudolph the Red Nosed Car
I drove to work behind someone who dressed their car as a reindeer. It had antlers and a red nose. I don’t even have time to wash my car let alone dress it. My first car did wear a bra. Do you remember those? It was a Dodge Daytona with a spoiler and a bra. No, I did not grow up in New Jersey. It was the 90s and it came with it. Are people who decorate their car just trying to spread holiday cheer or is it a cry for help? There is a man in my town who glues decorations to a board and attaches it to his…
-
Podcast
I know, I cannot believe this is free either. You lucky bastard.
-
Podcast
…and for your listening pleasure
-
Stuffed Animals Doing Double Takes
The brilliant man who made this video is a friend of mine. Luke Mayo is the father of two girls. He is one of the funniest people I know. His children won’t appreciate his humor until they are much older. My kids think everything I do is dumb. I think I am pretty funny until I crack a joke in a car full of teenage boys and hear crickets. Parents everywhere will get a chuckle out of this clip:
-
Will work for Botox