American Music Awards Wrap

When I was a kid I begged my mom to let me stay up and watch the American Music Awards. This was back when we had to walk from the couch to the television to turn up the volume or change the channel. Then, we actually had to walk back to the couch.   I lost my mind when Michael Jackson did the moonwalk across the stage.  I dreamed of performing on the show even though a dying cat sounds more soothing than my singing voice.  Actually, I had a descent set of pipes until I entered puberty. Not to brag, but I once had a solo in the Christmas concert at my elementary school.  That is when we were allowed to sing Christmas songs in December.  Now, it’s called a holiday concert and often includes cover tunes.  Here is what I took away from tonight’s award show: 

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Nobody told Prince he wasn’t performing.  He walked on stage with a giant guitar.  Either that or he thinks a musical instrument is an accessory.  A bracelet would be much lighter and goes with just about everything.   

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Jennifer Lopez is not human. It’s impossible to have skin and a body that perfect. She even looked  good when dressed like a raccoon in her opening dance number.  

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People jumping up and down in the shadows can substitute for back up dancers if Gwen Stefani is performing. 

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Nicki Minaj can be inspiring when she isn’t singing about her ass or male genitalia.  She told people to “find their purpose before it was too late.”  

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One Direction won the Artist of the Year Award despite losing one of its members.  Somewhere a guy named Zayn is crying in his tea. 

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The Rihana commercial freaked me out and I don’t even know what it is for.  

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Justin Bieber has talent, but is shopping in the wrong department.  It was nice that they let him have a playdate with his friends at a water park on stage.  

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Ariana Grande can hit high notes, but is incapable of pronouncing consonants.  
The Weekend doesn’t like combs.   
Speaking of combs, Sean Combs is calling himself Puff Daddy again.  You’re welcome. That would have been embarrassing if you ran into him and said “Hi Diddy!”  or “What’s up P. Diddy?” 

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Alanis Morisette’s song “You Ought to Know” isn’t as powerful when sung by a middle aged mother.  

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Jared Leto is the only man who can pull off a man-bun and pink hair. 

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Celine Dion’s voice is angelic no matter what language she sings.  She performed a beautiful tribute to the people of Paris, France. There were a few folks in the audience caught on camera sobbing.  Let’s hope they didn’t DVR the show.   

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