Spiderman is absent

My 5-year-old has been sick for two days.  Initially, I thought I had been duped.  The sneezing and coughing magically stopped after I decided he would stay home from school. He even asked if I would take him to the park.  Honey,  are those superhero masks cutting off oxygen to your brain? Hell to the no. Instead, he played with toys, video games and even made a brief appearance as Spiderman.


He enjoyed ice cream and potato chips. We watched all his favorite TV shows. “This is what I’m missing when I go to school,” he said.  Hardly. I am just trying to make up for my completely irrational reaction to his spilling juice on the carpet. It wasn’t necessary for me to cry, but I have PMS.

The truth is if he weren’t home I would be scrubbing toilets and bathroom walls. You may ask, “The wall?” Yes, on occasion this kid gets urine on the wall. How? I have no f-ing idea. It is more than a splatter.  He is easily distracted. I imagine his brain works like this:

Focus on toilet. I wonder if Batman would win in a fight against Iron Man. Focus on toilet. I want cake. Focus on toilet. I like SpongeBob, but why is he friends with a squirrel? Focus on toilet. I wonder what that pipe is for. Focus on toilet. I am tired. Focus on Ooops, I missed.

In all honesty, his cough got worse as the day went on. He woke up this morning with a fever. My daughter is jealous he is getting so much attention. She put his backpack near the door and said, “Spiderman needs to go back to school.”

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