Spiderman is absent

My 5-year-old has been sick for two days.  Initially, I thought I had been duped.  The sneezing and coughing magically stopped after I decided he would stay home from school. He even asked if I would take him to the park.  Honey,  are those superhero masks cutting off oxygen to your brain? Hell to the no. Instead, he played with toys, video games and even made a brief appearance as Spiderman.


He enjoyed ice cream and potato chips. We watched all his favorite TV shows. “This is what I’m missing when I go to school,” he said.  Hardly. I am just trying to make up for my completely irrational reaction to his spilling juice on the carpet. It wasn’t necessary for me to cry, but I have PMS.

The truth is if he weren’t home I would be scrubbing toilets and bathroom walls. You may ask, “The wall?” Yes, on occasion this kid gets urine on the wall. How? I have no f-ing idea. It is more than a splatter.  He is easily distracted. I imagine his brain works like this:

Focus on toilet. I wonder if Batman would win in a fight against Iron Man. Focus on toilet. I want cake. Focus on toilet. I like SpongeBob, but why is he friends with a squirrel? Focus on toilet. I wonder what that pipe is for. Focus on toilet. I am tired. Focus on Ooops, I missed.

In all honesty, his cough got worse as the day went on. He woke up this morning with a fever. My daughter is jealous he is getting so much attention. She put his backpack near the door and said, “Spiderman needs to go back to school.”

Read more: CynicalMother.com


  • Vanessa

    I used to hate when I would take a deathly ill child to emergency. Some nice nurse would give them Tylenol and then I’d have a demon child bouncing off the walls while the other deathly ill people would look at me like I was the worst mother on earth.

    As for the pee on the walls? Don’t expect that to end anytime soon.

  • Janine Huldie

    Oh, we too have had illness already in our house. Within a week I had both my girls sick and can relate to you on that. I have girls, however, so the aim isn’t on the wall, but still my 3 year old find the most interesting places to aim while sitting on the toilet! I hate cleaning the bathroom now too from this.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.