A Scary Infomercial

It’s not unusual for my children to wake up in the middle of the night and wander into my bedroom. After a decade of marriage the chances are slim to none that they would catch me in a compromising position. Unless I appeared on an episode of “The Swan” I definitely won’t be sleeping in the buff.

Sometimes they want a drink at 3 in the morning (I often want a drink at 3 in the afternoon) or perhaps they had a nightmare. A child’s nightmare usually amounts to someone stealing their crackers or breaking a toy. My 5-year-old dreamt he was being chased by Scooby Doo. He described the encounter as if Freddie or Jason was on his tail.

Last night, I woke up to what I thought was a child standing in silence at the foot of my bed. I opened my eyes, did a double-take and screamed. It wasn’t my child. The silhouette was in a commercial for an educational video game. If you are trying to sell a product in the middle of the night you may want to try another marketing campaign. Mimicking a scene from Poltergeist will traumatize parents instead of getting them to reach for a credit card. After nearly pissing my pants the only way I was going to spend $9.99 plus shipping & handling was for a door lock. (Yes, that is a 100 pound tube TV in my bedroom. I’m keeping it Old School!)


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