Back to school shopping

It was like a scene from “The Walking Dead” only worse. The aisles were crowded. Women, with eyes glazed over, pushed a cart with one hand while clenching a piece of paper in the other. A mother shopping for back to school supplies is scarier than a zombie. One woman was sweating. Another was trying to navigate through the store with not one or two, but three children. What the hell was she thinking? A seasoned school supply shopper knows you can’t bring your kid with you. He/she will want everything that is not on the list. A teacher who requests a certain color folder is basically giving you the middle finger. Good luck finding this one.. Did I ever tell you about the guy who gave me a double bird? I was driving my son to a doctor’s appointment in a suburb of Buffalo. I was not familiar with this particular town. So, I didn’t know the lane I was driving ended, forcing you to merge. This guy was not happy that I merged at the last minute. He wasn’t satisfied with honking and since he couldn’t bash my skull against the pavement he took both hands off the wheel and whipped me off x 2. I laughed my ass off, locked the doors and sped up to lose him.

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Shopping for school supplies is like going on a scavenger hunt where the prize is a colonoscopy. Not only will you have to spend a ridiculous amount of money. You won’t be able to find the supplies at one store. I nearly tackled a woman who took the last red 1 1/2 inch binder. I seriously contemplated stealing it from her cart. I decided to call it a day before I got arrested. Before leaving I stopped to get a coffee from Starbucks. I ordered my favorite drink and asked to buy a bottle of vanilla syrup. The barista told me she didn’t have enough in stock. I knew it was bullshit. I told you before that this chick hates me. I sent my husband back and she gave him one with no problem. He thought it was funny and asked, “My wife didn’t think you sold the bottles.” She replied, “I have no problem selling to you if you’re a descent person.” What? I am f-Ing descent, damn it!

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