Bracelets are like stars

I wrote a poem for my daughter’s kindergarten teacher. Well, I didn’t write the poem. I just wrote the poem on paper while my daughter dictated each stanza. It doesn’t even rhyme. In my opinion, a poem that doesn’t rhyme is just a short story that doesn’t make any sense. She took this “poem” to school today.

She decided to begin this project at 7:30 p.m. last night. It was so thoughtful that I couldn’t say no. She is such a sweet little girl when she is not whining. A few days ago she gave my mom another present. It was her favorite slinky and a ring from a cupcake. She is the queen of re-gifting. One of you lucky bastards is going to get a half eaten lollipop. Her heart is in the right place.

That being said, the gift for her teacher makes me look like a weirdo. Her teacher doesn’t know I was the secretary. The poem is in my handwriting. Of course, I forgot to send along a note explaining the process. She tells me what to write. I write it down. I try to make her do some of it herself, but she has yet to master the art of writing normal sized letters. You could read her handwriting from an airplane. So, there isn’t enough space on a piece of paper for her poetry. Plus, after slowly spelling two words I want to rip my hair out. So, I wrote most of it for her.

It’s a poem about bracelets. Bracelets are pretty like butterflies. She speaks the truth.

The jewelry is like stars. The stars are like jewelry. That is some pretty deep s**t for a 4-year-old. Has she been hanging out with Matthew McConaughey? Her teacher will be proud that my daughter knows what a pattern is. Child prodigy or the result of watching too many episodes of Team Umi Zoomi?

The line that is going to land me on the elementary school watch list is “The bracelet is pretty like you.” The next parent/teacher conference may be a little awkward; especially if her teacher is wearing the bracelet.