By: Ke$ha

Ke$ha wrote a book. I will give you a minute to let that one sink in. (….and breathe) Praise sweet baby Jesus, it is not a children’s book. Those are a dime a dozen. Celebrities love to write picture books. Meanwhile, for an average Joe, finding a publisher is like searching for a pair of underwear in Paris Hilton’s dresser. You can’t find one. (If you are an agent or publisher, call me.)

Ke$ha’s book release is proof anything is possible in life. This is a pop star who sings in filthy fragments. (The damn beat is just so catchy) I have not read her memoir because I would rather watch paint dry. Plus, I have a pretty good idea what each chapter would be about. Let’s just say it won’t be a Lifetime Movie anytime soon. (“Damn it,” says Lindsay Lohan.)

Chapter 1: My True Love: Glitter

Chapter 2: How to Get Your Drunk Text On

Chapter 3: The Letter S is so 1990’s

Chapter 4: Looking Like a Crack Whore is the New Black

Chapter 5: Brushing Your Teeth With a Bottle of Jack

Chapter 6: Cleaning Up Puke in the Closet

Read more: CYNICALMOTHER.COM